Harriet Cabelly will be teaching our next tele-seminar in our Parenting Simply monthly tele-seminar series on
Monday, October 22nd, 2012 9-10pm EST.
We wanted to give you a chance to meet her and learn a little bit about her philosophy on parenting. (Hint: It is very similar to mine. That is why I asked her to speak!)
I asked Harriet a few questions and this is what she has to say:
1.What is the best parenting advice you ever got?
Create fun, warm and fuzzy memories because the present goes so fast. Revel in each stage because it all goes by in the blink of an eye.
2.What do modern parents need to know about parenting?
It’s important to hold onto our values and not parent based on the Jones’ mentality, as in keeping up with the Jones’ – with all the pressure of grades, extra-curricular activities, competitions. Parent to your child’s strengths, not to everyone else’s. If your child has a leaning towards auto mechanics and not the world of academics, allow him to pursue that. It’s about them and their interests, not our interests for them. Allow their bud to blossom in it’s own unique way.
One more important thing – kids need to be allowed to fail, fall and make mistakes. That’s how they learn some basic character traits that will serve them well in the world. When they fall, they quickly learn to get up again, to try again, to persevere. The good old effort has huge payoffs. Coping skills are developed through trial and error and through difficulties. Allow for that. This is the teaching ground for it.
3.When parents get discouraged how can they encourage themselves?
By knowing we’re doing the best we can and that there’s always a chance to go back and talk to our children about what we did, right or wrong, difficult or not. It’s not about being perfect parents, it’s about being authentically human and open.
4. I know that you teach classes based on the book “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen”, and they are big on giving parents skills on how to communicate more effectively with their kids. What skill do you love to use with your kids?
They’re all wonderful skills and real hands-on techniques. Probably my favorite is “acknowledging feelings”. This is where you reflect back your child’s feeling and state it, such as, “that must have been frustrating; or you seem really angry.” This speaks to all human relationships, not just parent/child. We all have the basic need to feel understood. Acknowledging feelings brings people closer and diffuses the offensive stance. It tells people, ‘I get you’. That’s a comfort in and of itself. From there you can get to problem-solving. But we first need to feel heard and ‘gotten’.
Thank you so much Harriet for your words of wisdom!
Come and join our Tele-seminar on Monday, October 22nd, 2012 9-10pm EST
Looking forward to hearing from you…