I am always looking for new and positive ways to interact with kids. That is why this summer I have invited 4 Parenting experts to teach our newest Tele-conference: Summer Master Parenting Class.
One of our experts is Amy Speidel , a Concious Discipline instructor.
Conscious Discipline encourages parents to use new and innovative ways to use language to better communicate with their kids.
One technique that I love and use often in my home, is called:
“Assigning Positive Intent”
This tool teaches parents that they should not always assume that the motivation behind their child’s behavior is a negative one. For example, Parents may think:
“My child is not being nice to our new guest because they are rude !”
“My kids are not coming to the dinner table just to annoy me!”
“My daughter did poorly on her test because she is too lazy to study!”
Instead the Conscious Discipline approach urges parents to look for the good in their child’s behavior instead of reacting negatively and assuming their child is misbehaving.
Because when we attribute negative motives to our children’s behavior it makes us angry and we can’t discipline effectively.
We are more likely to say:
“You are being so rude. You need to act nicely to our guests!”
“How dare you not come to the dinner table! You are so disrespectful!”
“You better study next time. No TV until you improve your grades!”
When we speak to our kids in that way we place them in a situation where their only recourse is to attack or defend themselves and exhibit more oppositional behavior.
To keep our discipline effective and nurture our relationships with our children we want to assign a positive motive to their behavior instead of a negative one.
Assigning Positive Intent:
“You seem like you are having some trouble getting comfortable with our new guest. Even if you are uncomfortable it is important to at least say hello and offer them a drink.”
“You probably did not realize how important it is to me to come to the dinner table on time. Next time I would appreciate if you would come to the table right when I call you.”
“I am sure you studied for your test in the best way you could. I know you will figure out a way to improve your grades. Let me know if there is anyway I can help.”
When we assign positive intent we show faith in our child’s innate goodness. We promote strong and loving interactions. Our children will not feel the need to oppose us. Parents are then free to direct the child kindly and firmly to use better behavior.
I cannot wait to hear more great tips like this from Amy Speidel at our Summer Master Parenting Class.
To sign up and learn more click here:
You can receive 4 CEU’s from the State of Ohio, Counselor, Social Worker and Marriage & Family Therapist Board