Carol Dweck, a leading psychologist at Columbia University advises parents to stop praising children for their innate intelligence. When we tell children, “you are so smart”, “you are so bright”, “you are best at math” we are doing a great disservice.
In documented studies, children praised in this way, have a hard time performing well academically, are more anxious about school and shy away from challenges. Children who are told their smart, believe that intelligence is something you have or don’t. They figure if you have to work hard at a task it means you are “stupid”. They have limited strategies to cope with academic setbacks.
Dweck recommends praising our children for their effort, for working hard, persevering at a difficult task and figuring out solutions to problems. Children who are praised in this way are motivated to learn and will challenge themselves academically. They feel that they have control over their intelligence and they only have to increase their effort to succeed at school.
It is better to encourage our children in this way:
“You really studied for your English test, and your improvement shows it. You read the material over several times, outlined it, and tested yourself on it. That really worked!”
“I like the way you tried all kinds of strategies on that math problem until you finally got it.”
“It was a long, hard assignment, but you stuck to it and got it done. You stayed at your desk, kept up your concentration, and kept working.”
“I saw you were getting frustrated with your homework. You stopped and took a break and a drink. That helped you regain your concentration and finish your work.”
Sometimes it is the little things that we say that can make a big difference in our child’s life. Try this technique out on your kids to help them master their school work and become confident, competent students.
Dweck, C.(October 2007). The Perils and Promises of Praise. Early Intervention at Every Age.Educational Leadership.Vol. 65. No.2 pp.34-39.