“Kids these days are so disrespectful” is a popular complaint of parents, teachers and grandparents. Children seem to be more disrespectful, but they are not to blame. Children do not see examples of respectful behavior, or respectful speech in our modern streets, in their homes and especially on T.V.
Children (more than ever) need to learn how to be respectful to their parents. It is critical to their well-being. Children want and need to look up to their parents and respect them. Even though they might fight against it. According to Wendy Mogel, author of “Blessing of a Skinned Knee”, “children need their parents to establish and maintain their authority at home…..A democratic system does not work very well for children; it just makes them feel insecure.” To ensure that our children feel secure, “It’s important to start teaching children that you are The Boss when they are very young, and to keep on reminding them until they’re old enough to leave home.”
Here are two simple surefire ways that we can kindly teach children to be respectful to us:
Role Model:
Make sure you are role modeling respectful behavior and speech. Your children are watching your every move. Take a minute to think of the way you speak to your spouse, parents, siblings and the washing machine repairmen who showed up 2 hours late.
Focus on the Positive:
When your child shows you respectful behavior acknowledge it:
For younger kids: “I really appreciate hearing a ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. That’s called being respectful.”
For older kids: “I know you were mad and I appreciate the effort you used to keep your tone respectful.”
The best way we can teach children to be respectful to us is to speak respectfully to them.
For the best techniques, strategies and tips on how to do this, you can download the audios of our 6 hour Parenting Simply workshop.
See you there,
Adina
Right on. Also when they do speak to you disrespectfully you can’t let it slide. I have in the past just because it was easier. But I try not to now. I realize that if I don’t expect and demand respect from my children they won’t think it’s important enough to show it to me. I forget though, the acknowledgement part when they show it. Thanks for reminding me. They are proud of themselves when they do the right thing. I also think it is important to know what programs they are watching on TV. So many of them portray the parents as stupid and the children as having all the answers. Thank you for letting me vent. Ebby, mother of two teens (15 and 16)
Thanks Ebby! I know I also used to let it slide, until I realized it wasn’t good for my kids or me. It is really for their own benefit that they be respectful.
So how exactly do you go about “not letting it slide”? Usually, when he/she is being disrespectful, suggesting that he/she speak respectfully is counterproductive!