Sibling Rivalry: My Kids Are Fighting Over Their Legos All The Time!

Dear Adina,

I was wondering if you could advise me. I have a 7year old, Sam and 3 year old boy, Eli, who both love and fight over Legos. They share a room and both have their own sets which end up in one big bucket. This is a huge problem. Thanks for any help you can give.

Thanks so much for your question. It is one that makes me feel nostalgic. We had the same problem with our boys! Now they are older and they don’t really play with legos anymore!

The first thing that comes to mind is to throw this question out to your kids and have a great big brainstorming session. Just keep in mind that the first time you do this you might not see any concrete results, but you are teaching them conflict resolution skills. Most important you are starting to plant the seeds in their mind that they have the answers to most of life’s problems within themselves; they are capable of figuring out solutions. Yes, you can do this even if they are 7 and 3.

It goes like something like this:

1. Name the problem:

Hey guys, it seems like we have a big problem here. There are 2 brothers who love to play with legos. There seems to be a lot of fighting going on. It is hard to share the stuff we love. It also seems like your pieces keep on getting mixed up in one bin. We need to figure out a solution. I know you guys want to get along and it is hard for Daddy and I to hear the fighting. Lets put our heads together and see if we can come up with a plan that can work.

2. Take time for rebuttals:

They will probably complain- your 7 year old more than your 3 year old, depending on how verbal they are. It might sound like this:

Sam: Eli is so stupid! He always takes my legos!
Sam: Whenever I start to play he starts to play to and then he takes all the pieces I need!
Sam:He loses my most important pieces!
Eli: Sam is so mean and a poopy head.

3. Reflect back their feelings and name the problem again:

Okay so Sam, you feel like he always takes your legos and sometimes you would like to just play with your legos by yourself.

Sam, you also want to make sure that your most important pieces are kept safe.

Eli, you feel like Sam is mean when he does not want to share his legos..

4. Move them towards a solution:

This is a big problem, but I know we can figure it out. Lets write all of our ideas down:

Sam: Have my own room

Sam: Have my own bucket that Eli can’t touch.

Eli: Have my own bucket that Sam can’t touch.

Mom: Get a blue colored bucket for Sam and a red one for Eli.

Sam: Have one small bucket for my most important pieces that no one can touch.

Mom: Sam, can say “I really want to play alone, Eli” and Eli will leave him alone.

After you get all of your ideas down, go over which you think might work and which won’t work and then try to implement them.

The solutions might last a day, or maybe even a week or if you are lucky even longer, but you can just keep on brainstorming with them. It is a great way to teach problem solving skills and helps give them the tools they need to get along even when you are not around.

Need more help? Grab my Sibling Rivalry 2.0 course today!