What are your biggest parenting mistakes? Everyone comes into parenting with their own assumptions and blind spots. So, it is hard to have self-awareness when we slip-up. When I am having trouble with my own kids, I have a few people that I know that I can turn to to help me gain some clarity.
They have helped me over the years figure out when I am moving in the wrong direction. I have had some good heart to heart talks where I was able to unearth some of my unrealistic expectations and start remedying some of my mistaken thinking.
Here are some of my biggest parenting mistakes:
1. Wanting my kids to be happy all the time:
I needed to realize that kids are human beings. They can’t be happy all the time. All people including children have low states and high states, good moods and bad moods. It is part of the human condition. Once I realized that my job was not to make my kids happy all the time I had an easier time of parenting. I learned that I did not have to worry if my kids were happy but instead I needed to help my kids learn ways to help themselves manage the inevitable ups and downs of life. They needed to learn not to sweat the small stuff through trial and error. Pushing my children to be happy and not letting them be sad was robbing them of that opportunity. I needed to understand that feeling and managing the rough spots are lessons within themselves. Ultimately, I didn’t want my kids to miss out on those life lessons.
2. Trying to be nice to my kids:
I was always trying to be nice to my kids. At any point if my children would get upset I would balk and change tactics, and not follow through with my consequences. I needed to learn that parenting is not a popularity contest. There are times where your kids are not going to like you and the decisions you need to make for them. Powering through those times where you feel “not so nice” is a must. Being a parents means that you have to do things that will make your kids unhappy in the short term but well-adjusted in the long term.
3. Wanting to be a perfect Mom:
Finally, I had an idealistic vision of how a Mom should act. In my mind the perfect Mom never yells, never becomes impatient, never gets frustrated and their perfect children are well behaved 24/7. I have met many mothers over the years and not one of them was ever able to live up to those unrealistic expectations. Neither have I! Trying to maintain these impractical standards took a toll on my well-being and was depleting my energy. I had to learn to say to myself: “Sometimes, I do a great job taking care of my kids and sometimes I am just an average Mom. My kids sometimes are well behaved and sometimes they are not. That is the normal way for kids and Moms to be. I am capable of managing motherhood and all the problems that may entail.”
So those are some of the parenting mistakes I have made. What have some of yours been?
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One Response
This is good advice and wish I had read this thirty years ago .I too, thought I was a bad mom if my sons where unhappy and tried to make everything honkey dorey, but I now realize to grow to be caring and resilient adults they needed the skills to push through defeats, sadness and anger. Learning to impart these skills would have been a lot more efficient than putting myself down as a mom because my son was sad.