Dear Adina,
My son always argues with me when I try to limit his TV and computer use. He complains that he has nothing else to do. He even once told me, “Mommy I know you don’t want me to be sad and I will be very sad if you don’t let me play on the computer, so you need to let me play on the computer”. What is a good way to handle this problem?
Most kids are great at protesting the limits we set on their TV and computer use. Kids can be very persuasive. They feel the need to push us to reconsider and rethink our rules. That is their job. Our job is to kindly but firmly stick to our guns. It may seem like kids want us to change our minds and let them play video games and watch TV all day long. They don’t. Kids are actually testing us to see if we have what it takes to be a good parent: the ability to set rules and enforce them. It sounds counterintuitive, but kids feel more secure when they see that their parents will stand strong in the face of their grumbling and cajoling.
Here are 3 ways to help you feel more comfortable maintaining the limits and rules in your home:
1. Practice saying no:
Today’s parents are hesitant to tell their child “no”. I am one of those parents. I do teach in my classes many clever ways to avoid having to say “no” to kids. However, every once in a while your child needs to hear the word “no”. Do not be scared to say the following phrases:
“No, there will be no more TV this evening. You have used your one hour of electronic time.”
“No, I cannot give you an extra half hour of TV time. TV time is over.”
You may have to say this many times until your child stops complaining.
You can also just let them know when you will be turning off the computer or TV and then do it, in a matter-of-fact way with some empathy, as illustrated above.
2. Be Clever:
I love that your child says,”Mommy I know you don’t want me to be sad and I will be very sad if you don’t let me play on the computer, so you need to let me play on the computer”. It is a very sweet and endearing way to sway you from enforcing your rules.
You can say, “Nice try- you also know that I want you to be smart, and watching too much TV won’t make you smart.”
3. Encourage creativity:
When my child tells me that there is nothing else for them to do besides watch TV and play video games, I generally say, “If you cannot figure out anything else to do, then we have a big problem. It is very important to figure out other activities that can be interesting.
We don’t want to rely on electronic gadgets to keep us busy. I have faith in you that you can think of some other ideas of what to do.”
Instead of: Try this:
Check out more techniques and tips in my FREE email mini-course, 7 Ways to Get Your Kids to Listen Better in 7 Days.