The Strength Within: Teaching Children to Believe in Themselves
One of the greatest gifts we can give a child is the belief that they matter and can make a difference. In psychology, this is called self-efficacy — a person’s belief that their actions can positively influence the world around them.
Growing up with a Jewish education, this idea runs even deeper. Each person is charged with a unique mission and the power to impact the world for the better. A resilient child does not see himself as a leaf blowing in the wind. He understands that with effort, guidance, he can grow, improve, and succeed.
Our role as parents and educators is not to constantly correct, control, or argue with children. Rather, our goal is to teach them how to think, reflect, adapt, and problem-solve. When we make that shift, we move from power struggles to empowerment. We build confidence and most importantly we teach children to believe in themselves.
Here are 7 ways to do just that:
- Use Language of Support: “Sometimes it helps…”
One of the most effective tools for building a child’s confidence and independence is simply changing the language we use.
When a child is having trouble reading, instead of :
“Sound it out again.”
Try:
“Sometimes it helps to stretch the word out slowly and listen for each sound.”
Instead of:
“Sit up straight.”
Try:
“Sometimes it helps to sit with both feet on the floor so your body can focus better.”
Instead of:
“Try harder.”
Try:
“Sometimes it helps to take a short break and come back with fresh eyes.”
This kind of phrasing sends a very different message. It couches advice so that it can be heard. The underlying message is not, “You’re doing it all wrong,” but, “You are capable.”
- Respect a Child’s Readiness
Well-meaning adults often rush children past their discomfort:
“Don’t be nervous. Just go ask the teacher.”
“You’re fine. You need to come to visit Grandma in the nursing home.”
“You already know how to do this.”
But true growth happens when a child feels ready on their own and their timeline is respected. That is what gives them the confidence to push through.
Try instead:
“It can feel uncomfortable to ask questions. When you’re ready, I’ll walk over with you.”
“It’s okay if you’re not ready yet. We can start with a short visit.”
“When it feels a little clearer to you, you can give it another try.”
Respecting a child’s timeline builds trust and gives them the emotional strength to try even if they are uncomfortable.
- Let Children Dream
Children are natural dreamers, and we need to let them dream. Their dreams may sound foolish or unrealistic, but they are a necessary part of childhood. It is the foundation of hope, motivation, and creativity.
If a child says:
“I’m going to invent a machine that cleans the oceans.”
Instead of:
“That’s unrealistic.”
Try:
“That’s a big idea. What made you think of that?”
If a child says:
“I’m going to live in Israel in a big house on a mountain.”
Try:
“That sounds beautiful. What do you think life there will be like?”
If a child says:
“I’m going to become a famous artist.”
Try:
“What kind of art would you like to create?”
Listening to their dreams tells children that their ideas matter and that they are capable of great things. Knowing they can confide in you without being dismissed strengthens both their confidence and your relationship.
- Don’t just focus on the grades:
Instead of focusing on just your child’s grades, help children learn to reflect on their effort and process:
- “Which part are you most proud of?”
- “What part did you put the most effort into?”
- “Where do you see the most growth?”
- “If you had more time, what would you change?”
- “What would you like to learn more about?”
Evaluating their work helps children see learning as progress, not perfection.
- Teach Flexible Thinking
Life doesn’t always go as planned. Children need to learn that there is usually more than one solution to a problem.
Use everyday moments to model flexibility:
“This didn’t turn out the way we thought. Let’s brainstorm another idea.”
“We can’t go outside today. What else could give us the same feeling of fun?”
“The tape isn’t working. What else could hold this together?”
Use any opportunity you can to promote flexible thinking and problem solving.
- Give Choices Whenever Possible
A child who is given choices learns responsibility and independence:
“You can start with the math or the reading. You decide.”
“We can clean up with music or quietly. What’s your pick?”
“Would you like to work at the table or on the floor?”
“These both work — which one feels right for you?”
Choices are not about giving up control. They are about giving children the practice they need to make decisions and figure things out on their own.
- When a Child Won’t Take No
Instead of escalating into an argument, pause and ask:
“Help me understand why this matters so much to you.”
“What are you hoping will happen?”
“Is there something that feels unfair to you?”
“What would a good solution look like for you?”
Often, behind stubbornness is a deeper need: to feel heard, safe, or respected.
Once the need is understood, we can say:
“Let’s see if we can find an option that works for both of us.”
This transforms conflict into collaboration.
By teaching children that they are capable, that their choices matter, and they have within them the power to impact the world, we prepare them for lives filled with purpose, responsibility, and meaning.
