When our kids misbehave—and they will—we often get understandably angry.
We’re frustrated. Annoyed. Exhausted.
And in those moments, our inner dialogue gets loud.
I know mine did. I’ve thought (and sometimes said):
“He is doing this to bother me.”
“She always does this to get what she wants.”
“Why are they always ignoring me?”
“They are being disrespectful.”
“I can’t take this anymore.”
“I’m going to show him who’s the boss.”
These thoughts never served me well.
In fact, I learned the hard way that they are incredibly counterproductive. Every time I went down this path, things didn’t improve—they escalated.
Kids Misbehave. That’s Normal.
The truth is, kids misbehave. That’s not a failure—it’s childhood.
And here’s what I’ve learned: most of the thoughts we have in those moments aren’t even accurate.
“He is doing this to bother me.”
Kids don’t usually misbehave *to* bother us. They have their own struggles going on.
They *may* misbehave to get attention—but that’s very different than trying to hurt us.
“She always does this to get what she wants.”
Yes, kids want things. So do we. Everyone needs a way to get their needs met.
Our job isn’t to stop that—it’s to teach *better* ways to ask for what they need.
“Why are they always ignoring me?”
There are many reasons kids ignore us—and most of them are completely normal.
Sometimes they didn’t hear you. Sometimes they’re absorbed.
And using the word *“always”* rarely leads to calm or connection.
“They are being disrespectful.”
Backtalk hurts. It’s hard not to take it personally.
But respect isn’t demanded—it’s taught, step by step.
“I can’t take this anymore.”
Parents can take a lot. We *have* to.
I used to think I couldn’t handle parenting. Now I know that was negativity talking.
Sometimes I need help. Sometimes I need a break.
Sometimes I need ice cream.
But it *is* manageable. I can do this.
“I’m going to show him who’s the boss.”
Every time I even *thought* this, my kids pushed back harder.
I didn’t need to say it out loud—just thinking it changed my energy.
It’s amazing how much our thoughts affect the situation.
The Real Problem: What We Tell Ourselves
What we say to ourselves when our kids misbehave often works *against* us.
My husband calls it **head trash**.
We turn a molehill into a mountain—internally—and then react from that place.
Even when we don’t say these thoughts out loud, we feel angrier, tighter, less capable.
And disciplining children well requires a cool head and a grounded heart.
The Shift That Changes Everything
Sometimes the first step to calm isn’t changing our child—it’s changing our self-talk.
It was *my* first step. And it changed everything.
So when your child misbehaves, try telling yourself:
“They’re not out to get me.”
“Something is really bothering them.”
“This child is overwhelmed, tired, scared, or frustrated.”
“They’re trying to communicate—just not in a way I like.”
“I can manage this situation.”
“I can take a deep breath and start over.”
“This child is showing me they want some control and some say.”
When we respond this way, something loosens inside us.
We act better. We stay calmer.
And our kids feel it.
They respond to it.
Try it.
And let me know how it works for you