As we mentioned in our last few posts, when we discuss each temperament and gain an understanding of how our children work, we can learn what triggers their bad behavior, and learn to manage the feelings that overwhelm them. Knowing a child’s temperament can help us engage our children’s cooperation in a way that truly takes their personality, their strengths and weaknesses into account. Instead of finding their tough behavior frustrating we can view their actions in more positive ways.
We have already talked about the temperamental traits of introversion, extroversion, intensity, persistence, perceptiveness, adaptability, regularity, energy and first reaction. This post will highlight the temperamental trait of “Mood.”
MOOD
(Sheedy Kurcinka, 2006)
There are some children who are born cheerful and sunny. There are others who are moody and analytical. They see the world in a very serious way. They think and feel deeply. They are not trying to put a damper on other people’s moods. They are very critical and seem pessimistic. Understand that they can be happy but do not overtly show their enthusiasm.
These children may become adults who are newscasters and judges. They are able to make good critical judgments.
Triggers:
• Fast paced transitions
• Over stimulation
• Being told “no” one too many times.
Managing Their Feelings:
Name their feelings:
“It is important to you to seriously considering all the factors.”
“It’s upsetting when people don’t see what you see.”
Teach these children:
• To see the positive in situations and help them reframe the situation
• Good manners — that many people are uncomfortable talking about what they are talking about
• How to make pleasant small talk
Engaging Cooperation:
Parents should slow down their pace when they are with these children. Their moods can deteriorate as a result of sleep deprivation or too many transitions.
Praise
Praise them for seeing the positive in situations. Encourage them to feel good about their disposition:
• “I really appreciate when you tell me what you like.”
• “I appreciate your point of view.”
• “That makes sense; it’s practical and realistic.”
• “You are not afraid to ask tough questions.”
Freeing Children from Negative Roles:
They need to be freed from the following negative roles:
Party pooper/ Realistic
Mr. Gloom and doom/ Analytical mind
Put children in a situation where they can see themselves differently:
Mother: “We are having a birthday party today for Daddy. I want him to have fun. I am sure you have some good ideas. Let’s plan it together”
References:
Sheedy Kurcinka, M. (2003). Raising Your Spirited Child Workbook. NY. Harper Collins.
Sheedy Kurcinka, M. (2006). Raising Your Spirited Child. NY. Harper Collins.
Faber, A., Mazlish, E. (1999). How To Talk So Kids Will Listen. NY: Harper Collins.