Dear Adina,
We are in the midst of basketball season, and this is my question:
How do you handle when your son’s team has lost ALL the games, so he refuses to go to basketball? I don’t know what to do. On one hand, I want him to feel some kind of commitment to the team, yet he and one other player are the stronger ones on the team. I know it can be quite discouraging to lose EVERY single game..but shouldn’t I still make him go?
Thanks so much for your question.
To start off, I would let him know what your concerns are.
I would open up the discussion and try to listen to what he has to say:
“This is the story, I know you are upset and frustrated because you keep on losing and you don’t feel like participating in your basketball league. The problem is that you committed to doing this- we signed up, we spoke to the coach, etc. I am uncomfortable saying that you don’t have to go, because of that commitment. But I want to hear your opinion on the matter…
You can then ask some questions, guiding him towards thinking for himself and resolving this problem:
Can you find some solution to this problem?
Do you enjoy anything at all about the basketball, even if you are not winning? Does it help to focus on the things you do enjoy?
Can you be given some sort of leadership role to help the weaker players? Will that work for you?
You can end the conversation with something like this:
“Ultimately it is your decision whether or not you go to basketball. If you want my opinion, I think you made a commitment and you should go. Plus, I think you can figure out a way to make the most of a difficult situation. But, again it is your call…”
I hope this helps.
Good luck!
Adina