Dear Adina, Any ideas on how to get my two year old to stop fighting me putting her in her car seat? I’ve tried asking nicely, being patient, saying “When you’re ready let me know” which usually works for diapering. I’ve also tried forcing her, yelling, counting to three, timeouts, almost everything I can think of and she still refuses to sit down so I can secure her in her car seat. This happens multiple times per day and is very stressful. Help!
Thanks so much for your question. I remember those days! There are 3 things that you can do to encourage your toddler or older child to get into his car seat without a fight:
Empathize
As infuriating as this behavior can sometimes be, try to maintain an attitude of patience and empathy. Chances are, your toddler may be defiant about lots of other things too at this developmental stage. The car seat is just one more thing to fight about. Here’s a few things you can say to them to allow them to feel heard:
*”Getting into your car seat seems to make you angry…”
*”You sound so frustrated today!”
Many toddlers don’t like the car seat because it’s forced on them. Showing empathy as you engage with them may give them a sense of control over this potentially frustrating situation.
Work Together
This is can be a little tricky with 2-year olds but it can be done. You will want to describe the problem and invite him to come up with solutions:
- Mommy and you get so sad and angry when we have to buckle up in the car. What should we do?
- I want you to be safe in the car? What can we do?
Give Your Child Options
Giving children choices is one of the best ways to diffuse a power struggle and a fight. Here are some examples of what you can say:
- Do you want to hop in your seat or jump into your seat?
- Where do you want to put your hands when I buckle you up on Mommy’s head or tummy?
- Do you want to feel the buckle when I buckle or do you want to hold your hands up all the way to the sky?
- Should I tickle your tummy before or after I buckle you in?
- Should I give you one or two kisses after I buckle you?
- I want to teach you how to buckle your seat yourself- so you won’t be so sad- do you want me to teach you now or later?
In a gentle way you can also say: Do you want a policeman or a fireman to tell you how important it is to be buckled in your seat?
If you can, plan a trip to the police or fire department, your child will love that. If you do go, ask the policeman or fireman about the carseats that shows your child you are on his side: “Mr. Policeman, we are having some trouble with car seats. We want to know, really, how important is it for us to use car seats in the car?”
Another thing you can do is to find some age appropriate books to help explain the importance of car seats and safety. Two books that you might want to consider are All Buckled Up and Better Buckle up.
Finally, look for ways to make time in the car fun. Put on some music that they love and sing together. Or let them watch favorite programming on a tablet.
Just be sure to remain firm, no matter what. They must learn to understand that there is no other option than to get in their car seat and buckle up.
Need some more great parenting tips?