It is not easy to manage defiant kids. It can be one of the most trying experiences as a parent. Some kids can be defiant all the time and some kids are defiant just some of the time.
There are some simple ways to help us avoid getting into fights with our kids when they act defiant.
When kids were asked what makes them mad, angry and ultimately defiant they said the following:
1. When parents ask kids what they want to do and then they don’t do it.
“What do you want to do? The mall? No that is not an activity for today! It is beautiful out today. We need to be outside!”
So instead we can say:
“Going to the mall is a great idea. Would you open to a different suggestions? It so nice out, I thought we could go on a bike ride or a hike..”
2. Giving kids rewards and then taking them away.
“You hit Sam! We are not going on our ice cream trip!”
So instead we can say:
“You hit Sam. Hitting hurts and makes kids feel unsafe. You need to find a way to let him know he bothered you with words. You need to find a way to make this up to him. Let me know what you plan on doing and then we can go for ice cream.”
3. Accusing kids of something you did not see them do:
“Did you finish the last of the cookies?”
So instead we can say:
“I don’t care who finished the cookies, I am just upset. Those were supposed to be for our company. Please ask the next time we buy fancy cookies if they are for anything special.”
4. Responding in kind when the kids start an argument.
“You think my food is stupid! I will tell you what is stupid!”
So instead we can say:
“Boy you really don’t like hamburgers. I need to remember that for next time. By the way, the next time you don’t like my food can you say something like ‘Mommy, I don’t care for this, can I have a bowl of cereal?’That would be easier for me to hear.”
So there you have it. Handling defiant kids can be tough. If you want to learn more you can get our audios here:
When Your Child Is Defiant:Simple Ways To Avoid Power Struggles