As I mentioned in our last post after I deliver a class I always remember somethings that I would have like to have said.
I would like to expand on one more point from our class: When Your Child Is Defiant: Simple Ways To Avoid Power Struggles:
I mentioned that kids who are defiant are usually somewhat delayed in the area of emotional intelligence. To elaborate, they may have trouble reading non-verbal language cues. More particularly, they may have difficulty identifying facial expressions. They don’t notice the warning signs of an adult’s anger. When people are angry they generally pull their eyebrows down, their eyes glare and their lips narrow. Some kids can be totally oblivious to these signs. They will continue to push their agenda without recognizing how it is effecting their parents or the other adults that they may anger. They soon are mired in a full scale struggle without even noticing how they got there to begin with.
So what can you do ?
When I am angry and annoyed and my kids continue to whine and argue I try to teach them to read my face (similar to the expression, read my lips…)
“Look at my face, I am getting mad and frustrated and my face shows it.”
Having them look at my face and telling them that my expression means I am angry, helps them to start reading facial expressions. It gives them a visual and verbal cue.
I continue with some “I” statements:
“My patience is shot and I need a break. I can’t listen to this anymore.”
I let them know that perhaps we can reconvene later:
“When I calm down, I will try to discuss the new pair of shoes that you need. Right now, I need a break.”
Helping kids develop their emotional intelligence and read facial expressions can help lesson the tensions that arise between parents and kids. It can help us avoid power struggles and bring more peace into our home.