Last week was our class: When Your Child Is Defiant: Simple Ways To Avoid Power Struggles.
I mentioned last time that after I give a class, I always remember some things that I forgot to say, that I wished I would have said or things that I would have said differently. I also mentioned that I love blogging because I am able to write it all down and share my thoughts after the class.
So here it is:
Ross W. Greene in his book, The Explosive Child says, “Children do well if they can.” When a child is “misbehaving” there is something that is causing him to act in this way. In the case of defiant kids, if they were able to handle the limits and demands being placed on them without acting out, they would and they really want too. Which leads me to the next point…
Kids are desperate for their parent’s love and approval. They are always looking to impress us. I know that I always forget this when my kids are disrespectful. My first instinct is to think, “How dare they talk to me in that way.” But really, if they are mad enough or frustrated enough to risk losing my approval something must really be bothering them.
Now this might sound like I am contradicting myself and I am not sure if I made this clear in our class, but we should not accept disrespectful behavior from our children. They need to learn to speak respectfully to us for their own good. They feel safer and more secure when we parents maintain our authority in our home. So how do we do this? Don’t do it when you are angry. Parenting should not be done in the moment. When the smoke clears and both of you and your child have calmed down that is when you have a little talk without yelling or lecturing on how to speak respectfully.
Thanks for listening,
Adina