What is it about whining that drives most parents up the wall?
Is it the nagging, annoying, shrill sound of it?
Or maybe that it always starts at the most inconvenient time?
We should remember that everyone whines once in a while. Adults do it- we have just learned to modulate our voice so that people will actually listen to us. When kids whine they are generally venting and letting off steam. They could be tired and have had a particularly rough time with their siblings, their friends, their teachers or just life in general.
To manage the whining we can:
Reflect their feelings:
“You seem so sad , you are using a voice that is telling me that something is wrong.”
“That voice is telling me that something is really bothering you and you can’t even find your regular voice to tell me what is going on.”
State Your Feelings:
“I can hear you so much better when you use a regular voice. The voice you are using is hurting my ears.”
State Your Expectations and Rules:
“I expect children to ask for what they want with a regular voice.”
“This might make you even sadder, the rule here is: parents don’t give children what they want when they whine.”
Teach Them How To Modulate Their Voice When They Are Calm:
“Remember before when you were using that whiny voice, can we talk now about how to use a regular voice instead of a whiny voice?”
“You should know for the future that regular voices don’t hurt a parent’s ear.”
Praise Them For Using A Regular Voice:
“I like the voice you are using now to ask me for your snack. I love hearing your regular 4 year old voice”
For more strategies and tips on How To Manage Your Children’s Negative Feelings, join our “How To Talk” workshop.