My son is having trouble with his schoolwork. He says he is dumb, I tell him he is not, and it doesn’t seem to help he just gets more upset. My child complains because all his friends have ipods, Nintendo’s, and flat screen TV’s and he doesn’t. Anything I say to him makes him roll his eyes and stomp away. For my daughter everything is a major tragedy: her hair, her friends, her grades. How do I teach her to understand what is important in life?
A 19th century Jewish philosopher once said that a child who breaks or loses his toy boat feels the same way that a merchant might if his trade ship with all his merchandise was sunk at sea. This wise philosopher was trying to teach parents an important lesson. Children and teens feel just as strongly as adults about their problems in their little world. It seems so inconsequential (it is just a toy boat, it is just one grade, a bad hair day and you don’t always get what you want) but is all consuming to them. They don’t have the ability to work past their little difficulties; they cannot see the forest beyond the trees.
When children are having a rough time, even if it seems silly to us, we can use empathy to pull them out of their bad mood. In this way they can focus on their problems instead of battling with us. If we empathize with them we actually teach them that their problem is a problem they can handle and manage. One of the most important skills you can have in life is the confidence and ability to work through your problems.
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