This post is dedicated to my cousin Rivky Becker who was the first one to sign up for Parentingsimply’s newsletter and shares my love of Austen:
My favorite book of all times is Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. Yes, I am a hopeless romantic. I also love a clever comedy.
Mr. Collins, Lizzy’s love struck, obtuse cousin is one of the best characters in the book. His dialogue is replete with Austen’s wit. In one scene he speaks about his love of a good compliment:
Mr. Collins: It’s been many years since I had such an exemplary vegetable.
Mr. Bennet: How happy for you, Mr. Collins, to possess a talent for flattering with such… delicacy.
Elizabeth Bennet: Do these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are they the result of previous study?
Mr. Collins: They arise chiefly from what is passing of the time. And though I do sometimes amuse myself with arranging such little elegant compliments, I always wish to give them as unstudied an air as possible.
Elizabeth Bennet: Oh, believe me, no one would suspect your manners to be rehearsed.
So, what does this have to do with parenting? I too, am like Mr. Collins in that I think it is important to give compliments and they should be well thought out. I especially like to point out to parents something positive about their kids. Unlike, Mr. Collins I try to be sincere. Like him again, I also try to be specific.
For example:
- Your daughter takes good care of her brother at the bus stop. She makes sure he is far away from the curb when the bus comes. Then she lets him go ahead of her onto the bus.
- Whenever your son sees me he shows good manners. He always comes up to me and says, ‘Hello, Mrs. Soclof. How are you?’
- Sam was really helpful today when we went to the park for our play date. Sara fell and he went over to comfort her and then he went to come get me.
Parents sometimes need help seeing the positive side of their kids. We, as parents are sometimes to focused on the negative aspects of our child’s personality. When we give compliments to parents about their child’s behavior, it is a gift. We are helping to promote peace and harmony in another’s home. It is simple kindness that does not take a whole lot of effort.
So although I do hesitate to use Mr. Collin’s character as a role model, he does give us food for thought. If Mr. Collin’s parents would have had some good friends who would have taken the time to compliment their child, maybe he wouldn’t have needed so much help in the charm department.
Need some more great parenting tips?
One Response
I like your idea about giving a specific compliment especially to another parent about their child. I know it makes me feel good when I hear something positive about my child especially when it’s something that they did ie playing a game very well with good sportsmanship or helping out another child, being kind etc.. as opposed to saying oh- he’s so cute or pretty or smart which work to inflate the ego and are not constructive compliments. (rather these are extra gifts from Hashem!)