This is a story from one of our Parenting Simply Moms:
I loved learning about the skill of “Giving Information” which is letting kids know what is wrong with their behavior without accusing or blaming.
I was able to use it today.
My daughter was coloring with permanent marker on the kitchen table. I was pretty upset because a couple of weeks ago my son had used permanent markers and had damaged the table.
But I was able to hold it together and instead of getting mad I gave my daughter information:
“Newspapers need to be used under your paper when you are using permanent markers on the table”
She said, “I am using very thick paper it will be fine.”
This was not easy. Wasn’t this skill supposed to work the first time around? I persisted and repeated myself:
“Newspapers need to be used under your paper when you are using permanent markers on the table”
She again said, “Mommy, I told you, I am using thick paper- the permanent marker can’t seep through.”
By this time I was getting frustrated. It is amazing how quickly I can get angry with my kids. I think only 2 minutes had passed since I started this conversation. I decided to tack on an “I” statement along with “Giving Information”
“I am really frustrated right now. The rule is newspapers need to be used under your paper when you are using permanent markers on the table”
“When children are not following the rules I get upset. A newspaper needs to be used right now! Last week someone used the permanent markers and ruined the table.”
At that point she said, “Fine! I will get the newspaper!”, and she did.
Thanks. Before your parenting classes, I would have punished her, accused her of being a brat and worse. This is a much better way!