Good Parenting: Teach Your Kids To Be The Best They Can Be

There was a post on the Parenting Solutions Facebook page:

” Heard a great quote this morning from Oprah courtesy of Joel Osteen…What ever follows I AM will come looking for you. If you say “I am tired” or “I am disappointed” – fatigue and disappointment will continue to find you.”

I thought how true that is. Since I read that quote I have been making more of an effort to be positive. I noticed how many times I say “I am exhausted” during the day ( At least 5 times a day) and instead I have been trying to say, “I have a lot of energy left to do what I have to do.” It really works. Flipping the negative statement to a more positive statement is an instant pick me up.

I thought how we could apply this to parenting.

We can use this to perk ourselves up:

“I have been up all night with the baby. I am at the end of my rope.”

Instead we can say:

“I have been up all night with the baby. I can manage. I can do this…”

This can also make a strong impact on the we talk to kids. Sometimes we criticize our kids and tell them what they are doing wrong. We might say:

“You are so irresponsible”

We could apply the same rules here. Whatever follows “you are” will follow our kids. If we tell them they are irresponsible, irresponsibility will continue to follow them.

This is similar to the concept of “what we mention we strengthen.” If we constantly point out the times our child is irresponsible they will continue to act irresponsibly. Kids might feel, “Well, if my mother thinks I am irresponsible, then I must be. I shouldn’t even try.”

So instead of saying:

“Your are so irresponsible!

We want to say:

“Oh no! You lost your keys! You will figure out how to be responsible for your keys. You will find a safe place to put them so that this does not happen again.

This flips the negative statement into a more positive one. We want to help our kids focus on the positive and show them that we have faith in them to handle their problems. It also highlights for children what they need to do to act in a responsible way without judging them. A child can then infer, ” Oh, being responsible means finding a safe place for my keys. My mother thinks I can do this.”

Here are some more examples:

Instead of:

“You have no concept of time”

We can me more positive:

“The bus is gone! You will figure out how to manage your time. You will figure out what time you need to wake up and set your alarm clock so that you are on time to catch the bus.”

Instead of:

“You are so disorganized!”

We can me more positive:

“This backpack seems overloaded with papers. You can get organized. You can figure out a system that works for you to help keep your papers in order.

Instead of:

“You are always making a mess”

We can be more positive:

“There is a lot of glue all over the kitchen table. You will remember next time that newspapers need to be spread on the table before art projects are done.”

Keeping things positive for ourselves and our kids will go a long way in keeping our homes, peaceful, happy and productive.