Many parents feel that their children are selfish. They will say:
“I just broke my foot and I couldn’t come on my daughter’s class trip with her. She came home from the trip and threw a tantrum that I was not there…”
“My 5-year son does not let his friends play with any of his toys…”
“I spent a lot of money buying my daughter a whole new wardrobe and now she tells me she has nothing to wear…”
It is true, kids seem selfish but it is only because they have not yet learned to see the world through someone else’s eyes. They are egocentric. They have not yet developed the ability to put themselves in another person’s shoes. It is truly a developmental problem, not a behavioral one.
In that case I would hesitate to call their behavior selfish, instead I would look a bit deeper into the problem at hand. If we view our children’s actions, negatively, “selfish” or “mean” or “ungrateful”, we usually get angry. That makes it more difficult to discipline and teach our child to act in more positive, less selfish ways.
The child who threw a tantrum after her mother could not come as expected on her class trip, is probably a kid who has trouble with change. She might have been looking forward to the trip with her Mom and couldn’t handle the disappointment.
If your child has a hard time sharing with others, does it necessarily mean that he is selfish? Perhaps he has an active imagination and becomes very involved in play. It might be hard for him to stop what he is doing and give his toys to another child.
The child who has a hard time finding something to wear, is probably not acting out of selfishness. Finding an outfit that works can be tough for kids. Maybe she is nervous that she won’t fit in with her friends?
Not only that, but do kids have a monopoly on selfish behavior? As adults we all know that we can act in somewhat selfish ways. We often show our disappointment when our spouse unexpectedly needs to change his plans and stay late at work. We get a new computer and we don’t want anyone else to touch it. How many times do we look into a closet full of clothes and shake our heads, wondering what we should wear.
Are we truly selfish or just human? Are our kids selfish or just being kids?
What do you think?
Comment below…