Offering children choices instead of a direct command is generally a foolproof parenting technique.
Choices allow parents to maintain control over the situation and cause children to think independently, and make decisions. Power struggles are avoided because children feel empowered by their opportunity to choose.
Often I will hear from parents that choices don’t work with their child. Their children may become overwhelmed and oppositional. They also may choose a third option that does not work for the parent.
For choices to work, we need to try the following:
1. Remain calm and offer two positive choices:
“Would you like your ballerina pajamas or your rainbow pajamas?”
“Would you like to get dressed in your room or the bathroom?”
“Do you want me to help you or do you want to do it yourself?”
“Would you like to put your pants on or your shirt on first?”
2. Don’t get discouraged- Deliver empathy and keep on giving choices:
“Oh! boy, you look like you are just not in the mood tonight to get into pajamas. Pajamas remind you of bed and you don’t want to think of bed when you are playing with your dolls. Would you like me to get you into pajamas or we can ask Daddy if he has time to help you?”
3. If the third option works for you, accept it:
“You want Grandma to help- It is a good thing she is visiting- that sounds like a good idea. I will go get her.”
You can say:” What a good idea- I didn’t even think about that option- yes, you can wear your ballerina pajama top with the rainbow pajama bottom.”
4. If the child can’t choose – choose for him/her with empathy:
“This is so sad, we are having so much trouble tonight getting into pajamas. We are having an adamant time. I am going to help you. I am choosing the ballerina pajamas and will put them on you. I know you rather you had decided for yourself, sometimes a Mommy needs to just choose for her children. Tomorrow you will have another chance to decide for yourself how you want to work pajama time.”
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