In our last post we spoke about all the things we need to do as Moms and how we need teach our kids help us out at home. We continued by saying:
“That is all well and fine. We would love to have our kids help out. The problem is that when we ask them to do take out the garbage, clear their plates, or rake the leaves, they whine and complain and find every excuse to shirk their duties.
As parents this is hard to take. We would rather just do it ourselves then subject ourselves to their bad behavior.
But we shouldn’t let the whining and complaining stop us from getting the help we need. Not only will we have less to do, but really kids feel quite proud of themselves when they act as a responsible member of their family unit.”
Here are 3 more simple ways to help you put a stop to the whining and complaining and get your kids working:
4) Let your kids figure it out:
To stop the whining and complaining altogether, you might want to have a family meeting (or if it is a problem with only one child, a meeting with that one child.) Try to use neutral language, and limit the finger pointing:
“I am getting frustrated. I feel that when jobs need to be done there has been a lot of whining and complaining. What can we do to put a stop to it? How can we work it out so that there is more job satisfaction around here?”
Give them a bit of time to whine and complain, but then try to move the conversation in a more positive direction.
“So Max, I hear you saying that you have a lot of homework and don’t have time to do the dishes at night. Sara, you don’t like sweeping, and Max teases you and wont move out of the way when you want to sweep. Sam you don’t like the spray you have to use to wipe down the table. I am glad you told me this. Let’s put our heads together and see if we can come with any ideas that could work. “
Don’t despair, you might have to have a few brainstorming sessions until you have some workable solutions. Try to appreciate your kids and the way their minds work. Enjoy their wacky ideas as much as their practical ones.
5) Check your own behavior:
You might also want to do some soul searching. Do you complain when you are doing jobs around the house? You might want to put on some upbeat music and smile, at least when your kids are around.
6) Show Appreciation
Although, it is annoying to have to listen to the complaints, you might want to commend and praise them for finally helping out. It is hard to do things that you don’t want to do. And really, it is the end result that counts.
I have one child who will use ever means to get out of his job, including a really good sulky look, along with a long suffering sigh, and a “I always do all the work around here.”
I try to be kind and firm:
“I know you don’t want to do it. I hear that it’s hard for you. The job needs to be done, and it needs to be done now.”
I also use my pat phrase:
“I try to make the jobs as fair as possible; sometimes you get more to do and sometimes your siblings get more to do.”
After a minute of sulking, (really he is just trying to save face), he will do his job. I will whisper to him:
“You took out the garbage. You didn’t want to and you did it. I appreciate your hard work.”
Whining and complaining do not need to keep you from getting your kids to help out.
Having pat phrases, being proactive, brainstorming solutions, checking your own behavior and showing appreciation can be the answers you need to help your kids do what needs to be done.