My son has to write in a journal every night for his English class. He has a hard time coming up with topics and asks me to help. He does not like any of my suggestions and we end up fighting or I end up just writing it for him. I have had enough. What can I do?
1. Let me get onto my soapbox:
Indulge me for a minute while I lecture: This is not your homework. Your obligation as a parent is to make sure that your child has a quiet place to do it, train them to have a schedule of when to do it, and make sure there is a supply of pens, pencils and paper in the house. Do not do your child’s homework. When you do you are sending him a load of unhealthy messages,like:
- You are not capable of doing your homework.
- You don’t have to do anything that is too hard for you.
- You do not have to be responsible for your school work.
- When things get tough you don’t have to put in any extra effort, your Mommy will take care of everything.
3. Get child’s input into making his schedule:
Coming up with a new topic every night is challenging. It is a great exercise. Writing takes a lot of concentration. It would be helpful for him to know when his brain is at its best and under which conditions he works well. I know that I write best in the early afternoon and I need quiet. He needs to learn to schedule himself. You can ask him some questions that will help him to recognize that he is responsible for his homework and that he needs to start thinking realistically about how to manage his time.
“How long do you think it will take you tonight to do your homework?”
“When is a time where you are more relaxed and can possibly come up with new and good ideas?
“If you have piano lessons tomorrow and you have homework how are you going to schedule that? Think about it and let me know.”
4. Make yourself available but not to available:
Decide what you will do and follow through. You can hang out in the kitchen and cook while he does his homework so you can be a comforting presence. I would only sit down if he asks you. You can also say, “I will be available to help you with your homework between 7 and 7:30 pm. Let me know if you need any help during that time.”
5. Give ideas on your terms:
As a writer I do like to get ideas from other people. It is fair for him to ask you for suggestions. Because you are the mother, you run the risk of getting into a power struggle, as you described above. You can offer your suggestions, diplomatically and quickly disengage. You might want to say something like this:
“What do you think about writing an account of our trip yesterday to the mall? Or about the lady in the ice cream store with that cute dog? Or about how hard it is to come up with an idea for your journal? Those are all my ideas. I hope it helped. I will be in the kitchen making dinner, good luck.”
5. Take your child’s side:
Instead of saying: “You better do your journaling or you are gonna get in trouble!”
Try saying: “I hope your teacher is not going to be to upset that you didn’t do your homework- I hope you don’t have to miss recess because of this. Good Luck! Homework can be really tough to handle and manage. I have faith that you can handle this.”
I hope this helped.
Good Luck,
Adina