How to Teach Your Child To Be A Giver

Chanukah and the winter holiday season is upon us. I love this time of year! In our house, we love to light the candles and watch them glow in the window, eat latkes, sufganiyot, play the dreidel and get together at family parties. But many parents feel pressure during this time of the year to buy their kids gifts. Many parents feel their kids already have too much, and the kids have very ungrateful attitudes.  However, with some intentional role modeling, you can teach your child to be a giver.

Here are a few simple ways to help  your children learn to give:

Be a Giver Yourself

Like anything else, the best way to teach your kids how to be a giver is not by lecture but by setting an example. You’ve got to walk the walk yourself. It doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. As your kids see you generously giving your time and energy to your community, they’ll be more likely to become givers themselves.

Create some conversation around how you can reach out to those around you.

“I am going to check in on Mrs. Stein. Older people who live alone may get very lonely sometimes, especially around the holidays. They can really use someone to talk to.

“The Rosens just had a baby. I know their mom is really tired. I’m going to send over a meal.”

Reinforce Giving & Good Behavior

When you see your kids being generous to others, be sure to praise them for it. Even when they’re acting selfish, don’t point it out to them. Stay positive and be on the lookout for any small act of kindness, consideration, and giving. When they’re unkind, try to ignore it. When we give attention to a kid’s negative behavior we may inadvertently reinforce the behavior we’re hoping to change! When we only focus on their positive behavior we reinforce their positive behavior. It will probably take some time to retrain our brains to look for the positive but it is well worth the effort.

Here are a few examples of positive reinforcement:

“You shared your sufganiyah with your brother. That was so considerate!”
“You let your sister go first even though it was your turn. That was so kind of you!”
“You let Eli borrow your football. That is what a generous friend does.”

Help Your Child Use Their Talents to Give To Others

Children are naturally giving if they’re doing what they love to do. This applies to adults too! If your child plays an instrument or loves to sing, local nursing homes can be a great place for them to serve. If your child has a way with younger kids, they can offer babysitting help to busy families. And children who love animals would benefit from working in an animal shelter.

Once your children start using their talents to give they will be more likely to give even more. Teaching kids to be givers can be done very naturally, especially when we show how to be givers ourselves.