“I hate you!”
“You are the worst mother in the world!”
“You are so mean!”
No parent likes to be on the receiving end of these accusations and insults. However, it does happen to the best of us. How do we deal with this? The answer is simple, stay calm and be empathetic.
The definition of empathy is truly understanding what another person experiences. Empathy can help you gain insight into what spurs another’s behaviors. Because of this, it is one of the best techniques that parent’s can use when communicating with children. Parents who are able to see their child’s perspective and feel their feelings will have better relationships with their children. Empathy helps children realize that their parents love them no matter what they are feeling and how they are acting. As a result, children are better able to manage their own difficult emotions, can soothe themselves and get angry less often. Empathy helps build a child’s emotional character. It helps children be more respectful and cooperative.
Some parents feel that they can empathize with their child if they are scared, disappointed or hurt. But they have a tough time when their child is angry and talks back. They feel hurt and mad. Even if parents are able to remain calm, parents are still hesitant to use empathy because they feel they are letting their children off the hook. They would rather admonish their child and push them to be more compliant and respectful.
Parents can rest easy. When parents listen and empathize it does not mean that they are condoning negative behavior. They are not letting their kids get away with murder. Delivering empathy is the secret to stopping arguments and to ultimately teaching children respectful behavior. For example:
When children’s feelings are validated they feel respected and in turn, they want to respect their parents. Empathy also helps calm a charged situation so that children can start thinking clearly and evaluate their own behavior.
Stopping yourself from responding in kind when your child talks back take a lot of self-control. Later on, when you are both calm you can discuss a better for your child to express anger. You can say, “I know you were really upset before. The problem is, when you tell me you hate me or that I am the worst mom, it makes me feel bad. I would appreciate it if you would just say, ‘I am really mad at you’ or ‘I don’t like your rules.’
When we respond to children with empathy we help them start the mature process of taking responsibility for their own emotions and actions. Children will then stop avoiding their problems and blaming others i.e. their parents when things don’t go their way.
Find even more techniques in my latest class, Simple Ways to Parent Without Anger. Get started today!