In our last 2 posts we answered the following question from a Parentingsimply.com fan:
My daughter is often complaining about her day in school. She seems to do well academically and has friends. She just seems to take things to heart and does not seem to be able to cope with life.
I vacillate between saying, “You shouldn’t worry, you are smart and a good friend” and “You complain about everything and need to stop.” Nothing seems to work. Any ideas on what I can do to help her stop complaining and start coping?
We spoke about the fact that, most kids whine and complain about school and it can be frustrating for parents. And that the best thing to do when our children speak like this is to just empathize and gently ask “What can you do?” or ““What will work for you?”
We said that this shows children that we feel for them and that asking them the above questions gives the message that they are capable of managing their own problems.
There is one more similar technique we can use to help our kids cope with the difficulties they experience at school. We can, Empathize and ask, “Is there a way I can help you?”
This is what it sounds like:
Student: “This is assignment is too hard!”
Empathetic response: “You sound frustrated. Is there a way I can help you?”
Student: “The kids in the class are way smarter than me!”
Empathetic response: “Sounds like you are feeling overwhelmed. Is there a way I can help you?”
Helping kids cope with empathy and asking them the questions, “What can you do?” or ““What will work for you?” and “Is there a way I can help you?” is the best way to deal with your child’s complaints about school and any other problem they may have.
I hope this helps!
Adina
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