Dear Adina,
My son is 13 and now he wants a facebook account. I have heard all the horror stories and I am really reluctant to allow it. I know many of his friends are on facebook and he feels left out. What should I do?
I am in the same boat as you. My son just asked about getting a facebook account. My husband and I are still deliberating. Here is some of the stuff I know about facebook, computer safety and cellphones:
1. The Pros and Cons:
Pros: Facebook like all social networking sites strengthens connections with friends and family. (I love finding my old friends from high school and camp and being in touch with them all over again.) It also helps kids coordinate and collaborate on school projects, forgotten homework assignments and impromptu get togethers. Kids can be in touch with their teachers and coaches which helps them become more responsible and organized about their school work and extracurricular activities.
Cons: Researchers have found that kids who use social networking sites exclusively may have poorer communications skills and more misunderstandings with friends. This is because they are not getting enough practice talking to their peers face to face. Social networks are often conduits for cyber bullying and are hunting grounds for sexual predators. Experts are also concerned with the rise of obsessive behaviors associated with not only facebook but with blackberries, iphones, itouchs and plain old cell phones. Another drawback is that teachers and coaches may connect with parents more, moving the responsibility of homework and tests away from kids to their parents.
2. Be Your Child’s Friend:
If you attended any of my parenting classes you will know that I do not advocate being your child’s friend. You need to be the parent, the authority figure and role model in their lives. For Facebook, and only for Facebook, will I let you make an exception. If you decide to let them get an account, be their facebook friend, their first facebook friend so they know you are looking out for them and any inappropriate behavior.
My friend’s daughter, Kayla, has a facebook account. Kayla’s uncle has a job where he has to monitor Facebook constantly. He checks Kayla’s page frequently and scares away the boys that post on her page. Kudos to intrusive, overbearing uncles. Kids become intensely annoyed with nosy parents but tend to be more good natured with the meddling of their extended family.
3. Talk, Talk and Talk Some More: