Thank you to my Facebook friends for answering the following question:
“What are some of the tough behaviors your kids might exhibit?”
One Mom said, “Having to deal with my moody pre- teen, Allie”
Dealing with a moody pre-teen does not sound like much fun. I remember when I was around 12, our school psychologist came to talk to our class and she said, “Sometimes you will cry and you won’t even know why.” I really liked that school psychologist.
We all know that hormones are starting to rage in our pre-teens causing lots of mood swings. This scientific explanation is great, but what can we do when we are actually faced with this behavior! It can frustrate even the peppiest Moms.
Again, we can turn to the book “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish for help. In the last chapter they speak about how to free children from their roles and how to improve their most difficult behavior.
According to Faber and Mazlish, in order to improve kid’s behavior we need to think about what role they have been placed in, i.e. “Moody Pre-Teen.” Then we can think of this role in a positive light. Can it be that Allie, is sensitive and emotional? Thinking of her in this way helps us gain perspective. Most people are more willing to work with a sensitive, emotional person than a moody one.
If that is the case then Allie needs help in maintaining her equilibrium, controlling her emotions and strategies to keep her mood positive.
Faber and Mazlish provide parents with some skills that can help improve a child’s behavior. Here is how we can use those skills in this situation:
1. Show children a new picture of themselves:
Whenever she goes from sad to happy and it may be often, tell her how you noticed that she pulled herself together.
“You seemed sad before but then you went to your room, relaxed, listened to some music. That seemed to work. You look happier.”
2.Put child in new situations where they can see themselves differently:
“Can you cheer Sara up? She seems so sad. You have a positive way about you. I can think you can really help her.”
3. Role Modeling:
Make sure to let her know what you do to pull yourself out of your bad moods. Of course you want to do it in a non-confrontational, friendly way.
You can say in an offhand manner:
“I was in such a bad mood today, but I read somewhere that if you just smile and you don’t feel like it, it can lift your mood. I tried it and it worked!”
Let us know what you think. Leave your comments below!
Stay tuned for our newest class: “How To Change Your Child’s Worst Behaviors!”