My Facebook friends had a lot to say when I asked:
“What are some of the tough behaviors your kids might exhibit?”
One Mom said, ” My son, Danny, will not get out of bed in the morning.”
Who has not dealt with this problem at one time or another? This is a behavior that parents most parents find frustrating.
Let’s see if we can go back to our friends, Faber and Mazlish, authors of the book, “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen.” By now you have gotten the picture. As, I said in my previous posts, in order to improve kid’s behavior we need to think about what role they have been placed in. In this situation, Danny, is acting lazy and irresponsible.
Let’s look at the positive aspects of Danny’s role. We can say that he he is relaxed and laid back. He likes to “go with the flow”. If that is the case, then Danny needs help taking responsibility for his schedule and improving his energy level. Danny, also probably needs help moving through transitions. (Get our “Parenting Simply” workshop for more information on transitions.)
Here are some skills borrowed from Faber and Mazlish that can help Danny and his parents:
1. Model The Behavior You Would Like To See:
No one likes to get out of bed in the morning, so this is an easy one. Danny needs to hear his parents say:
“I really wanted to stay put this morning. My bed was so comfortable. I don’t like being late and I don’t like rushing. So I just bit the bullet and did it. I pulled myself out of bed.”
2. Focus on the Positive and Problem Solve:
Danny’s parents can also invite him to some solutions on how he can get out of bed quicker, move through transitions and take responsibility:
“You were able to get out of bed today at 7:10am. That was a great start. I think we got messed up, during breakfast time. Let’s put our heads together and see if we can come up with a schedule that will work for both of us.”
“Your bus gets here at 8am. What can you do in the morning to make sure that you are out by that time? What would be a good schedule for you?”
3. Let him hear you say something positive about him:
Danny’s Mom can tell his Dad the following:
“Danny almost did it this morning. He really tried hard to get out on time. I think by the end of the week he will have figured out a schedule for himself.”
Danny’s parents can also call Grandma and say:
“Danny made the bus today. He has been working really hard on getting out on time and he managed it this morning. He is really getting a handle on how to manage time and act responsibly.”
Let us know what you think. Leave your comments below!
Check out our newest class: “How To Change Your Child’s Worst Behaviors!”