Since November we have been discussing the processes of Executive Functions and how difficulties in these areas impacts children and the adults who care for them. In the past few weeks we have spoken about how help children manage their difficulties in the area of Executive Functions. We spoke about giving children choices, some control, helping them process directions, limit over scheduling and singing. Here are some other simple ways to help your children manage their Executive Function difficulties:
1. Kids need love and approval
Children are desperate for their parent’s love and approval. They are always looking to impress us. It is natural to forget this when kids are disorganized. Our first instinct is to think, “He is not listening on purpose. He can’t get it together just to bother me.” As parents we need to keep in mind, that if children are frustrated enough to risk losing our approval they must have true difficulties in this area.
2. Praise
Anytime your child behaves appropriately it is helpful if point it out. Especially if they make any type of effort in the area of organization. It does not have to be anything extraordinary:
• “You remembered to put your homework paper in your folder. That is called being organized.”
• “You have your books out to do your homework. That is being prepared.”
• “You put your shoes in the mudroom, right where they belong. That is thinking ahead for tomorrow morning.”
Try to look at your child’s behavior in a positive light. It is easy to see the bad. To really be effective with a tough kid you need to always look for the good in every interaction. For example, if he has given you a difficult time getting into the car to go to school, but he did get into the car, you want to focus on what he did in the end.
• Instead of: “You were impossible when you were doing your homework, it took you forever and you kept on misbehaving.”
• Say: “You did your homework, you did not want to, you were frustrated, but you did it anyway.”
Understanding that kids need our love and approval and they are not disorganized on purpose can help us maintain our patience. Praise can help give kids the positive reinforcement they need to work on their behavior.