Last week we posted an article on Parenting Without Anger In The Heat Of The Moment.
Our article started with the following:
“I am learning all these new communication skills in your classes and they have been extremely helpful when I am calm. When I get angry or after my child has misbehaved it is tough to remember all these techniques. Basically in the heat of the moment, I don’t know what to do! Any ideas that can help?”
We explained what happens to us when we get angry and why we get angry. We spoke about what we could do in the heat of the moment when our brains are not working at full capacity. Here we continue the discussion with what we can do in the heat of the moment:
1. Walk away
Unless it is dangerous don’t do anything in the heat of the moment. Nothing good happens when you talk to your kids when you are angry or even in just a bad mood. You can and should revisit the situation later on when you can think. When you are mad you can walk away- tell your kids you are to angry to talk and need some time to calm down. It is a great lesson in anger management.
2. More Simple Anger Management Techniques
If you are still mad after you walk away or if you can’t walk away, count to 10, 20, or even 100. Put on some music, and get some fresh air, even if it is just opening a window. You can also just take a deep breath. My kids tease me by imitating my deep cleansing yoga breath, saying, “Ma, this is what you do when you are mad!” I am glad that is what comes to mind when they think of me being angry!
3. What To Say After You Calm Down
When you sit down to talk to your child about the behavior that angered you, you want your voice to be neutral with an eye toward problem-solving:
“I was upset when you did not help clean off the dinner table after I asked you. How can we make sure this does not happen again?”
“I was frustrated when you did not put your clean laundry away. What can help you remember next time?”
Learning to walk away, that discipline does not need to be done in the heat of the moment (unless it is dangerous-see last week’s post), and revisiting the situation when you are calm are all great ways to help you manage your anger.
Our next post will talk about what to do when your kids misbehave in public!
Want to learn more? Start learning practical techniques and proven methods on how to parent without anger in my latest course, here.