Instead of: Try this:
This is a topic that I keep on bringing up. It is on the issue of praising kids. I like to get up on my soapbox for this one. Sorry if you have heard this all before, I just think it is important to review.
To help kids and to really improve our kids their self esteem we want to avoid using praise like, “good job”, or “nice work.” Superlatives are also a no-no. “You are greatest athlete of all times!”, “You are the brightest in your class!” This type of encouragement is hard for kids to hear. It creates pressure and is counterproductive. They are placed into a position where they always have to be the best. A position which is tough for kids to manage.
It is better if kids are praised for effort they bring to a task, instead of the end result.
The praise that works, sounds like this:
- “ I see that you cleaned the legos in the family room and now are working on the dolls. This room is getting cleaner.”
- “Your homework tonight sounds challenging. You books are open and you look ready to tackle it.”
- “When you played chess with Grandpa today, I saw you thinking about your moves very carefully. You had some interesting moves. I think Grandpa was impressed with your strategy.
This type of praise builds kids up. They know that they don’t have to be the “best” they just know they need to try their hardest to succeed.
In our “Parenting Simply” workshop , I teach more ways to truly build a child’s self esteem.
We would love to have you join us.