As we mentioned in our last few posts, when we discuss each temperament and gain an understanding of how our children work, we can learn what triggers their bad behavior, and learn to manage the feelings that overwhelm them. Knowing a child’s temperament can help us engage our children’s cooperation in a way that truly takes their personality, their strengths and weaknesses into account. Instead of finding their tough behavior frustrating we can view their actions in more positive ways.
We have already talked about the temperamental traits of introversion, extroversion, intensity, persistence, perceptiveness and adaptability. This post will highlight the temperamental trait of “Regularity.”
REGULARITY
(Sheedy Kurcinka, 2006)
These are the children or adults who have poor natural body rhythms and cues. They are up all night; they don’t need so much sleep. They do not eat at regular meal times and never seem to have a predictable schedule. These children can grow up to be ER doctors, firefighters, nurses, or policemen. They are flexible and energetic.
What triggers their bad behavior:
• Not enough sleep
• Lack of routines
• Being forced to eat or sleep
Managing feelings:
Give them positive words to describe themselves, i.e., “flexible,” “spontaneous,” “full of surprises,” “going to love college life.”
Give them words to affirm their feelings:
“Being forced to eat upsets you.”
“You are not always hungry at mealtimes.”
“Choices are important to you.”
“You have trouble falling asleep.”
To Engage Cooperation:
• Try to stick to a routine
• Don’t force them. You can say, “You don’t have to sleep, you can lie quietly and rest.”
Problem Solving:
“You seem to have trouble going to sleep, can you think of some things that would help you?”
Encourage Independence:
Parents can teach them to make their own snacks so they won’t have to feed them at odd times.
Praise:
Children with this temperament will encounter many adults who are frustrated with them. Any positive feedback on their flexibility and energy would be helpful.
Freeing Children from Negative Roles
They need to be freed from the following negative roles:
Wild/Energetic
Impossible/Independent
Role Modeling:
Mother to child: “When I get excited, it’s hard for me to sleep. I just try to stay calm and do quiet activities.”
Stay tuned for our next post on the temperamental trait of “Energy.”
References:
Sheedy Kurcinka, M. (2003). Raising Your Spirited Child Workbook. NY. Harper Collins.
Sheedy Kurcinka, M. (2006). Raising Your Spirited Child. NY. Harper Collins.
Faber, A., Mazlish, E. (1999). How To Talk So Kids Will Listen. NY: Harper Collins.