I always wondered why some people are resilient and can overcome the worst of adversities and other people just crumple in the face of trouble. The same goes for kids, why are some kids able to solve their problems and move forward and others just fall apart.
Renee Jain of Gostrength.com, gives us some insight into the matter. She says:
“Let’s say Lisa and Jenny are students in the same eighth grade math class. They both struggle during the quarter and, in the end, they both receive low final grades. Upon hearing the news, Lisa and Jenny share myriad negative emotions: disappointment, anger, fear and sadness. However, after a few days, they diverge in their coping strategies. Lisa picks herself up; she finds a tutor and commits to making a greater effort in math going forward. Meanwhile, Jenny tumbles into a downward spiral of negativity; she sulks and starts performing poorly in all of her subjects. Lisa and Jenny faced the same adversity, so why did one bounce back while the other did not?
You may guess the difference lies in their genetic disposition or family circumstance. Maybe Lisa was born a “stronger” person, or maybe Lisa’s parents are more supportive than Jenny’s parents. While this may all be true, one factor supersedes the influences of genes, childhood experiences, and opportunity or wealth when it comes to resilience. In fact, according to decades of research, the biggest influence on resilience is something within our control. The biggest influence is our cognitive style — the way we think.”
So basically, Lisa and Jenny had 2 different cognitive styles or belief systems. Lisa, believed that getting a poor grade wasn’t the end of the world and she could improve if she tried harder. This caused her to think of a solution to her problem and she hired a tutor. Jenny believed that her bad grade was proof that she was a poor student and there was nothing at all that she could do. She gave up and did not even try to improve.
Renee Jain goes on to say that a resilient mind set can be taught to kids. So even if you have a Jenny you can learn ways to help her pick herself up from her disappointments and help her focus on solutions.
In our class, Raising, Responsible and Independent Kids, we teach you ways to do that. Click here for more info.