This last Monday was our last Parenting Simply Class.
We discussed the following:
1. The importance of teaching our kids to have a positive attitude.
2. The right way to praise our children so that they have a strong sense of self. (No: Good job! Your the best!)
3. How to admonish children gently and effectively so they can hear you and improve their behavior.
Here is an article that I think you will enjoy:
Faber and Mazlish in their book, “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen” dissuade parents from using evaluative praise to compliment their children. “Good job”, “good boy”, “you are the sweetest”, or “you are the best artist.” are all examples of evaluative praise. This type of praise is empty, mechanical, and gives children a fleeting sense of well-being.
Instead they encourage parents to use descriptive praise, describing what you see and what you feel:
Here are some examples of descriptive praise:
“You waited your turn for computer patiently. You kept yourself busy drawing pictures so it wouldn’t be so hard to wait.”
“I had a really nice day today. All the children made an effort to get along, speak nicely to each other and there was very little fighting.”
“You hung up your coat and put your boots in the corner. It is so nice to walk into a neat mud room.”
“I appreciate the fact that you made the most of our outing today. The museum was not for your age-I know it was kind of boring- but you didn’t complain.”
“I saw that you started to say “shut up” to your sister. You caught yourself and you didn’t say it. That took a lot of self-control.”
When we use descriptive praise with our children we paint pictures of their accomplishments and capabilities.
Faber and Mazlish explain the benefits of descriptive praise in this way, “You can take away ‘good boy’ by saying ‘bad boy’ the next day. But you can’t ever take away from him the time he cheered his mother with a get-well card, or the time he stuck with his work and persevered even if he was very tired. These moments, when his best was affirmed, become life-long touchstones to which a child can return in times of doubt or discouragement. In the past he did something he was proud of. He has it within him to do it again.”