We had an interesting experience over the weekend which gave me some insight into the Sibling Rivalry issue.
My son’s were quibbling at dinner. It usually starts something like this:
A: I got a 90 on my Math test!
J: So what! Anyone can get a 90 on a Math test if they have half a brain.
Side note: It is amazing to me that A. shares anything at all given the fact that every time he opens his mouth, J. makes fun of what ever he says. I am confused as to A.’s courage? cluelessness? optimism?
Me (I try to maintain the peace. I am hungry and really want to eat my dinner!): “Let’s be encouraging here. A. You sound pleased with your grade.”
A few minutes later as we get up from dinner, the scuffling starts. A. starts wrestling with J. and J. says, “I never start anything! He always starts roughhousing with me!”
Then A. says: “You started when you made fun of my math grade!”
Me: “That is interesting. J. you think the fighting starts when he starts wrestling with you. So you think A. started it. But A. is saying that he when you make fun of him he gets angry and that is the start of it. Even thought it was a few minutes ago, that is the start of it for him. That is why he comes over and starts wrestling with you! I think that is something you both need to think about!”
This seems to fall into the category of “Everyone is entitled to their wrong opinion!” Seriously, understanding that kids usually feel as if they have good or justified reasons for their actions can help us understand why siblings squabble. This can hopefully help us ease the tension in positive ways.
Do you have a hard time managing the sibling rivalry in your home? You can get my course, Sibling Rivalry 2.0 HERE.