We were making sugar cookies at the Soclof’s. The kids were rolling the cookie dough into balls and putting them on the cookie sheets.
B says to G: You need to put the cookies further apart or when they get baked they will get stuck together.
G to B: Leave me alone! Don’t tell me what to do!
The beginning of a fight. I am debating whether or not to retreat into the bedroom and let them duke it out. G, sounds just on the edge of losing it completely. I decide to stay and help them work through it by the one of the greatest techniques known to parents, Empathy.
B to G: I am only trying to be helpful. They aren’t going to be good. Just move them over a bit!
G to B: Stop bothering me! You are always criticizing me!
B to G: No I am not. I only tell you things for your own good. (Does he sound like a parent or what!)
Me: So G, you don’t like to be told what to do, you feel like it is criticism. B you really want to just be helpful and make sure the cookies don’t get smooshed together.
B and G: Yeh!
Me to B: Sometimes it helps, when you want to try to tell someone something they might take as criticism to say:
I don’t know if you want to hear this, putting the cookies on the baking sheet like that will make them get stuck.
B to G (who was always a quick learner): I don’t know if you want to hear this, putting the cookies on the baking sheet like that will make them get stuck.
G to B: Leave me alone, you are still criticizing me!
Me: So you still don’t like the way he is talking to you. You feel like he is making you feel bad about the way you are making the cookies.
How about if B says something like,
I am sorry if this is making you upset, I just want to make your cookies look good.
B to G(again, such a quick learner!): I am sorry if this is making you upset, I just want to make your cookies look good.
G to B: Stop telling me what to do and bothering me.
Me to G: You really don’t want him to tell you anything about the cookies. You want to do it your own way.
Me to B: I know you are trying to be helpful, however he wants to do it his own way.
B: Fine, but they won’t come at good!
Me to G: G, your brother really wants the cookies to come out good and look nice. It is important to him!
G: I don’t care what they look like, but fine, I will move them over!
Crisis averted. Cookies made. They tasted delicious and they looked great and no one was hurt in the process.
2 Responses
Sounds to me like you agreed with B. And G did NOT get to do it his own way and probably just did it to get everyone to leave him alone. He said he doesn’t care how they look. I would have rather seen him do it his way and see for himself that they would run together while baking. then he can decide if he wants to take the advice into consideration for the future.
B won. G lost. If I were G, I’d be feeling unvalidated and resentful that no one thinks I can do anything by myself.
Ayelet,
Thanks for the comment. I also would not have cared if the cookies ran together and that would been an option if it would have played out that way. I tried to tell the story how it went. I really wanted them to see what the other was thinking. It sort of came to that natural conclusion. Honestly, I was just relieved that they stopped bickering.
To me, G was disappointed and annoyed but he did walk away with the idea that he takes almost everything as a criticism. B was reminded that he needs to tread softly around his brother. It is really just another day in the life of siblings. But I will keep your comment in mind in the future!!!