Your kids have been at each other’s throats all week. You’re tired, exhausted, and dreaming of household peace. If you’ve been second-guessing yourself and your disciplinary methods, read on for some practical advice to teach your kids respect.
Parents, teachers, and grandparents often complain that respect is deteriorating, and they are right. Children seem to be more disrespectful, but they are not to blame. Children do not see examples of respectful behavior, or respectful speech in our modern streets, in their homes, and especially on TV and social media.
Children (more than ever) need to learn how to be respectful to their parents. It’s critical to their well-being. Children want and need to look up to their parents and respect them. Even though they might fight against it.
According to Wendy Mogel, author of “Blessing of a Skinned Knee“, “children need their parents to establish and maintain their authority at home… A democratic system does not work very well for children; it just makes them feel insecure.” To ensure that our children feel secure, “It’s important to start teaching children that you are The Boss when they are very young, and to keep on reminding them until they’re old enough to leave home.”
Treat Your Kids With Respect
Make sure you are role modeling respectful behavior and speech yourself. Your children are watching your every move. First, be sure that you respect your children. If you’re quick to snap at them with sarcasm, they’ll be going to pick up on that and respond to you the same way.
Treat Your Spouse With Respect
The relationship between a husband and wife sets the tone for how the entire family communicates. When kids see their parents treat each other with kindness, love, and respect, that sets a high standard that they’ll naturally emulate. However, it’s important that you and your spouse be on the same page. If there’s a difference of opinion, don’t argue in front of the kids. Set aside a time and place to hash things out.
Don’t Take Bad Behavior Personally
While bad behavior is exasperating, it’s important that parents don’t take it personally. They’re not doing it to you. Kids will be kids, for better or for worse. The most important thing is that you set boundaries and deal with your child’s behavior objectively.
Always Be Consistent
Communicate your family rules and expectations, and then be consistent about following through. If you don’t do this, your kids aren’t going to take you seriously.
Model Integrity Yourself
Your own personal life ethic will speak volumes to your kids. Living a life of integrity matters and helps to naturally build character in kids since they observe everything that we do.
Focus on the Positive
There’s always something positive that can be acknowledged. If parents are quick to condemn or criticize, the child won’t be motivated to follow rules or show respect. So when your child shows you respectful behavior acknowledges it.
- For younger kids: “I really appreciate hearing a ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. That’s called being respectful.”
- For older kids: “I know you were mad and I appreciate the effort you used to keep your tone respectful.”
It might be hard to believe, but kids really do want us to set limits and have positive family interactions. This shows them that they’re loved and cared about. They probably won’t thank you now, but they will in the long run.
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3 Responses
Right on. Also when they do speak to you disrespectfully you can’t let it slide. I have in the past just because it was easier. But I try not to now. I realize that if I don’t expect and demand respect from my children they won’t think it’s important enough to show it to me. I forget though, the acknowledgement part when they show it. Thanks for reminding me. They are proud of themselves when they do the right thing. I also think it is important to know what programs they are watching on TV. So many of them portray the parents as stupid and the children as having all the answers. Thank you for letting me vent. Ebby, mother of two teens (15 and 16)
Thanks Ebby! I know I also used to let it slide, until I realized it wasn’t good for my kids or me. It is really for their own benefit that they be respectful.
So how exactly do you go about “not letting it slide”? Usually, when he/she is being disrespectful, suggesting that he/she speak respectfully is counterproductive!