Last night I partnered with Courtney Evenchik to run a workshop based on the book, “How to Talk So Kids Can Learn” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, for teachers at a local pre-school in Cleveland. The topic was “How To Manage Your Pre-school Student’s Negative Feelings.”
We discussed how:
- Pre-schoolers get upset about things that may seem silly to adults. A lost crayon, a missed turn on the swings, or their friend making funny faces at them.
- We need to enter into a kid’s world and see things from their perspective.
- We tend to deny student’s feelings instead of empathizing with them. For example, when children complain, “I can’t do it.” We usually say, “Yes, you can! It’s not as hard as you think.” or “Just calm down!”
- It is more effective to empathize with children and say, “You sound frustrated about the zipper…” “You are wondering why it is not working..”
- When we empathize with kids, it diffuse power struggles and conflict. But most important, it sends a silent message of, “This is a problem you can handle and manage.”
The best part of my class is hearing success stories from teachers who use these skills. Many of the senior teachers were familiar with “How To Talk” and used the skills often, as illustrated in the following anecdotes:
One teacher shared with the class:
My student forget his security blanket at home. He had a major meltdown. I took him aside and said, “You really wanted your blanket here with you today. You wish that you hadn’t forgotten it.”
After I reflected his feelings a bit, he seemed to calm down. I then asked him, “What does your blanket look like? Maybe we can make a picture of it.” He agreed.
I drew the blanket according to his specifications. He told me it was blue and had squares on it. We colored it in together. I told him, “I know that this is not as good as having your own blanket here, but I hope this helps a little bit.”
We put the picture in his pocket and he kept it with him the whole day.
Another teacher shared a similar success story:
Many times children have separation anxiety. They cry when their parents drop them off. It helps when I give them their wishes in fantasy:
“You wish Mommy could stay with you the whole day. You wish Mommy had a cubbie right next to yours in your classroom and she could play with you, just like your friends play with you.”
These seems to calm them a bit.
I will also ask them if they want to color a picture of their Mommy or Daddy. We sit down together and they tell me what their Mommy/Daddy looks like and we draw together. I then say, “If you want you can keep this in your pocket and look at it whenever you feel sad or you miss your Mommy/Daddy.” This seems to comfort children tremendously.