What’s the absolute best way to connect with your kids?
Use Empathy!
When we are empathetic with our children we truly show our children that we care and we “get them.”
Enter into their world:
Empathy is a fundamental “people skill.” Just saying, “I understand how you feel” is not enough. Empathy means entering the individual’s world to see the situation the way he or she does.
Lose The Judgment:
To be empathetic, you do not pass judgment on what children get upset about (e.g., “Who cares if you can’t have the blue crayon?” “Big deal, he made googly eyes at you”). Instead, you accept highly charged emotions in children on seemingly trivial matters as normal behavior. Your acceptance in the form of an empathetic statement can turn anger into calm.
Empathy Just Works:
When a child is angry, you want to use empathetic statements, like:
“Looks like you had a rough day.”
“Sounds like something is bothering you.”
“Looks like you can use a hug…”
This makes children feel loved, understood, less confused, and respected.
It actually then gives children the strength to move past their problems and their anger.
Empathy Instead of Punishment
When we deliver consequences with empathy our discipline is more effective. Children will learn from their mistakes instead of spending their energy feeling resentful and rebellious. It is easier for a child to correct his or her behavior when feelings are acknowledged.“I see how frustrated you are with the reading assignment. Books are not for throwing.”
“Sara is really making you mad. People are not for hitting.”
We Can Learn To Be Empathetic:
Empathy often does not come naturally to us. When our children slip up we usually say: “I can’t believe you did that!” It is hard for us to say: ” That is so tough, mistakes happen. What can you do to fix it? Do you need help figuring out some solution?”
Helpful Tips:
1. Give yourself some time to cool down. You can say,” I am too angry and upset to talk right now. Let me cool down before we discuss this.”
2. Memorize an empathetic statement, like, “That is so sad”, “This is too bad”, “Sounds rough”, and use it all the time.
3. Think about how you felt when you were a kid and did something wrong. Wouldn’t you have liked some empathy and help on how to make amends, instead of sarcasm and anger?
4. Check out my Parenting Simply Foundations Course. You will learn tons of practical information on how to deliver empathy.
5. My new book has all you need to know about delivering empathy to kids! Check out Parenting Simply: Preparing Kids For Life!
Adina