Positive Psychology is a recent branch of psychology that deals with theories and practices involving human happiness. Positive Psychologist are encouraging patients to focus on what they have accomplished and done right during the day instead of what they have not accomplished or what has gone wrong. They maintain that this shift of attitude can greatly increase a person’s happiness quotient.
How do we apply these principles to parenting?
As parents we have a tendency to focus on our children’s negative behavior while overlooking the good. Howard Glasser of the Nutured Heart Approach, says that we are doing a great disservice to ourselves and our children. We are inadvertently reinforcing negative behavior. We are teaching our children to react negatively to the world and we are missing opportunities for fostering good behavior.
Here is how it works:
If your child whines the whole time while getting dressed, focus on the fact that they finally got dressed:
“You got dressed, you didn’t want to, you were annoyed and frustrated the whole time, but you did it. You should be proud of yourself.”
When she rolls her eyes at you, focus on the fact that she only rolled her eyes and did not speak disrespectfully:
“I know you were annoyed, I appreciate that you did not speak to me disrespectfully.”
If your child did not want to join you for a family activity, but came anyway, focus on the fact that he joined you, even if he grumbled the whole time.
“I know you didn’t want to come, and this is not your favorite activity. We really appreciate that you made the effort to join us.”
Focusing on our children’s positive behavior changes our perspective and generates a feel good atmosphere in our homes. It transforms potentially harmful and destructive interactions into positive relationship building moments. Most importantly you are modeling to your children (without lecturing) how to focus on people’s positive behavior. This is a powerful skill, one that they can use successfully in all of life’s situations.
For more information on focusing on your child’s positive behaviors, join our “How To Talk Workshop.”
See you there,
Adina