It is probably one of the most embarrassing things that happens to us as parents, you know, the times that our kids misbehave in public. Misbehavior at home can be annoying. Misbehavior in public is a whole other level.
Don’t despair! Here are some things that you can do:
- Get out fast:
Kids having a tantrum at the supermarket, not sharing the slide at the park, running around the restaurant? Don’t let the embarrassment get to you. If you can get your child out of the supermarket, park, or restaurant as quickly as you can. It is so much easier to discipline your child without the audience.
When you do, make sure not to berate yourself, it happens to the best of us.
What if you can’t get your child out? One Mom told me that her daughter had a meltdown and threw herself on the ground in the middle of a crowded tourist attraction. The only thing she could do was stand above her with her legs on either side of her. She got lots of nasty looks but she remained impervious by telling herself that once these people had children they would understand. (Kudos to her for positive self-talk and confident parenting.)
Another Mom was embarrassed because when she was dropping off her kids at school, her young son ran into an office where the principal was having an important meeting.
She tried to encourage herself by saying:
“It doesn’t really matter what people think”
“I am a good mother, I looked away for a minute and this happened.”
“They might be judging me, but I can handle this. I know that I am a good mother and this was just a mistake. Mistakes happen.”
“I can let my child know that he may not do it in the future, calmly and quietly.”
2. Don’t judge:
Sometimes we have a hard time when our kids are misbehaving because we know that we have judged other Moms when we witnessed them in a similar situation. One friend of mine is a teacher. When her students would misbehave in class, she would think, “What kind of parent teaches her kids to act in that way?” Inevitably when she would come home her kids would misbehave and act in the same way her students had acted. She would get really mad at her kids, “I can’t believe my kids are acting, just like my worst students! What kind of mother am I?” Once she stopped judging her students and their parents, she stopped judging herself, making everyone a lot happier.
3. Don’t go:
There will be times when it is just best to skip the supermarket, restaurant, or even the park. Prevention is worth a pound of cure or your best defense is offense (or something like that!) Kids go through lots of phases where they are just more prone to misbehavior and meltdowns. Think terrible twos, dealing with a new baby, or if you have 3-4 children, it just might not be realistic to expect all of them to behave at the same time.
4. Taking care of yourself:
I know I say it loud and often but we need to take care of ourselves. Our emotional health as parents is so important. It seems like an impossible task, but getting a good night’s sleep, taking your vitamins, eating healthy, and getting some exercise is vital to our well-being. It will truly help us be better parents and help us manage the rough bumps of anger with equanimity.
Learn more tips and techniques to help you remain calm (even during the most trying of times) in my updated class, Simple Ways to Parent Without Anger.