I don’t like to use negative words like, “spoiled” or “brat” but I often hear parents use this term to describe their kids.
What does it mean? I am not 100% sure, but I think it means that kids are acting badly. I think it is a mix of self-centeredness, selfishness and entitlement.
“You bought only one package of sidewalk chalk!”
“But this isn’t my favorite flavor ice cream!”
“Why didn’t you go to the store today and get me the pencils I wanted?”
Behavior like this, can put us parents on edge. We get annoyed and frustrated and a little insulted as well.
To help us out, we need to know that this behavior is normal. Most kids have a hard time seeing understanding another’s feelings. Which makes them look selfish. They also don’t have the easiest time regulating their feelings, so when they are disappointed, (by not getting their favorite ice cream) they may just blurt out exactly what they are feeling.
So what can we do? Can we turn this behavior around? I think so.
Kids who speak this way need to be trained to act grateful instead of entitled. That is our job. We also need to teach them to express their disappointment and their needs in a polite way. We also can point out how their behavior effects others.
To teach them to be grateful instead of entitled, you can gently say:
“I expect when I buy you a present, like sidewalk chalk, that you say thank you.”
“You sound disappointed about the ice cream. However, when someone buys you something you need to say thank you. Next time this happens you can say, “Thanks Mom, next time you go, can you get me chocolate?”
To teach them to understand how their behavior effects others, you can talk about your feelings:
“I feel frustrated when I am spoken to in this way. I wrote pencils down on my shopping list. The next time I have time to go to store I will buy them.”
Kids are diamonds in the rough, they just need some polishing. That is where we come in. So let’s avoid calling our kids names and focus on what we need to teach them.
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