Dear Adina,<\/p>\n

My son roughhouses, teases and belittles his sister. I don’t know what to do. I have tried saying, “How would you like it if your sister, hit, teased or belittled you?” That does not seem to work. Any other ideas?<\/p>\n

This is a loaded question. Sibling Rivalry is tough to handle. In my class, I teach many techniques on how to help your kids get along. For now, we can talk about a better way to get your message across.<\/p>\n

The question of “How would you like it if your sister, hit, teased or belittled you?” doesn’t generally work with kids. This is \u00a0because it makes them feel as if they are being attacked. It does not generate feelings of empathy towards their siblings which is usually our goal. The only answer they can give you will implicate themselves, forcing them to admit their guilt. Kids and even adults have a hard time doing that. To help them develop empathy for others, and truly understand how another person feels, it is better to use the phrase, “I am sure you can imagine…”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

For example:<\/p>\n

Instead of:<\/strong><\/p>\n

How dare you hit your sister! How would you like it if someone hit you?<\/p>\n

Try this:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Getting hit makes you angry that someone would hit you and it also hurts physically. I am sure you can imagine the pain you would feel if someone hit you.<\/p>\n

Instead of:<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/strong>Stop making fun of your sister that she was not invited to her friends party. How would you like it if you weren’t invited to a party?<\/p>\n

Try this:<\/strong><\/p>\n

I am sure you could imagine how alone it would feel if you were the only one of your friends not invited to a party.<\/p>\n

When we are managing the sibling rivalry in our home we need to use gentle tactics. \u00a0We can teach our children to put themselves in their siblings’ shoes and feel what their siblings are feeling. However, we want to do it a way where we avoid putting our kids on the defensive. Then they have a better chance of \u00a0empathizing with their siblings.\u00a0Using the phrase, “I am sure you can imagine” is one of the best ways we can do this.<\/p>\n

I hope this helped.<\/p>\n

Good Luck,<\/p>\n

Adina<\/p>\n

Join our “How To Manage Sibling Rivalry Without Losing Your Mind” <\/a>workshop for more great tips.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Faber, A., Mazlish, E. (1999). How To Talk So Kids Will Listen. NY: Harper Collins.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Adina, My son roughhouses, teases and belittles his sister. I don’t know what to do. I have tried saying, “How would you like it if your sister, hit, teased or belittled you?” That does not seem to work. Any other ideas? This is a loaded question. Sibling Rivalry is tough to handle. In my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n