<\/p>\n

It is hard to appreciate our introverted kids because they seem so uncomfortable in social situations. They will not be convinced to kiss Aunt Ethel when she comes to visit and sometimes when they have a friend over, they will go and play by themselves leaving us to entertain their friend. But, if we understand how their minds work, we can learn to respect their needs and work with them to help them reach their potential.<\/p>\n

In our last two posts we introduced the topic of Temperament and we discussed the Extroverted Child. As you can guess, in this article we will discuss the temperamental trait of “Introversion”<\/p>\n

Introverts comprise about 25% of the American population. They need quiet, alone time, their own space, time for reflection (They don\u2019t answer questions right away; they are listening but need time to come up with an answer.), uninterrupted work time, and time to read and play quietly. They may talk a lot with family members but not with outsiders. They are not being rude; they are just conserving their energy. An unrecognized need for time alone is one of the major causes of tantrums, fight with siblings or why a child may get nasty. They are misunderstood because they are a minority.<\/p>\n

To sum it up we can view the information in this way:<\/p>\n

Introvert-25% of US Population (Olsen Laney, 2002)
\n\u2022 Likes quiet
\n\u2022 Gets energy by being alone
\n\u2022 Becomes drained when around groups of people for too long.
\n\u2022 Doesn\u2019t like interruptions
\n\u2022 Enjoys solitary pursuits
\n\u2022 Needs to watch before joining an activity
\n\u2022 Needs meaningful relationships and is selective about which friends they bring home.
\n\u2022 Hates cocktail parties<\/p>\n

As we mentioned in our last post, when we discuss each temperament and gain an understanding of how our children work, we can learn what triggers their bad behavior, and help them manage the feelings that overwhelm them. Knowing a child’s temperament, in this case the introverted child, can help us engage our children’s cooperation in a way that truly takes their personality, their strengths and weaknesses into account. Instead of finding their tough behavior frustrating we can view their actions in more positive ways. Here is how it works:<\/p>\n

The Introverted Child:<\/p>\n

Triggers for an introverted child’s bad behavior:<\/strong>
\nBeing around too many people, being involved in too many high-energy activities and no time alone.<\/p>\n

Managing Children\u2019s Feelings:<\/strong>
\nTo get them in touch with their feelings, introverts can be told:
\n\u201cIts hard when too many people are around you.\u201d
\n\u201cSometimes you like to play and be by yourself.\u201d
\n\u201cDreaming is important to you.\u201d
\n\u201cThinking is fun.\u201d<\/p>\n

To Engage their Cooperation:<\/strong>
\n\u2022 Give them a chance to ask questions privately.
\n\u2022 Work one on one with them.
\n\u2022 Watch to see if they have too much people time and help them take breaks.
\n\u2022 They need time to practice new skills alone.<\/p>\n

Alternatives to Punishment:<\/strong>
\nKeep in mind that introvert children might be acting out or biting if someone invades their personal space, or if they had too much people time.<\/p>\n

Teach them to tell people:<\/strong>
\n\u201cYou are too close to me, move away\u201d
\n\u201cI want some quiet now\u201d<\/p>\n

Problem Solving:<\/strong>
\nWe can teach them how to manage their feelings using problem solving:
\n\u201cTomorrow you are going on a class trip for the whole day, on a noisy bus, what do you think you could do if it gets too much for you?\u201d<\/p>\n

Praise:<\/strong>
\n\u201cYou felt you needed a break and you found a quiet place.\u201d
\n\u201cYou said hello and made eye contact with our new neighbor, that\u2019s called being friendly!\u201d<\/p>\n

Freeing Children From Negative Roles:<\/strong>
\nThey need to be freed from negative labels:
\nNerd\/Dependable
\nBookworm\/Intelligent
\nShy\/ Likes familiar people<\/p>\n

Modeling the behavior you would like to see:<\/strong>
\n\u201cI was so uncomfortable when I had to meet all these new people in my town meeting, but I just found one person and introduced myself and I felt much better.\u201d<\/p>\n

If you the parent are an introvert, you need to know that you probably function better with your children one on one.
\nYou should also make sure to take many quiet breaks throughout the day. If you work, make sure you have a bit of down time before you greet your family at the end of your day.<\/p>\n

Stay tuned for the next article in our series on temperamental traits. We will be discussing sensitive children.<\/p>\n

References:<\/p>\n

Sheedy Kurcinka, M. (2003). Raising Your Spirited Child Workbook. NY. Harper Collins.
\nSheedy Kurcinka, M. (2006). Raising Your Spirited Child. NY. Harper Collins.
\nOlsen Laney, M. (2002). The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World. NY. Workmen Publishing Company.
\nFaber, A., Mazlish, E. (1999). How To Talk So Kids Will Listen. NY: Harper Collins.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It is hard to appreciate our introverted kids because they seem so uncomfortable in social situations. They will not be convinced to kiss Aunt Ethel when she comes to visit and sometimes when they have a friend over, they will go and play by themselves leaving us to entertain their friend. But, if we understand […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n