Our First Book Club was a great success. Participants were able to join on us online and in- person.
It was great to be working with Courtney Evenchik again.
The book, “Yell Less, Love More” by Sheila McCraith, sparked some great discussions.
We all liked that the author made her struggle public on her blog and we all agreed that was a great motivator. We felt that it was key in helping her reach her goal of not yelling for a year.
We thought that her tips for managing the yelling were creative and helpful. One of the participants also liked the fact that she categorized the tips into cool, warm and hot, giving ideas on when you are starting to feel yourself get angry, cool, getting angrier, warm and then what to do when you are really angry, hot.
For example on Day 3 she writes:
Cool: Say positive thoughts about your kids out loud; it forces you to focus on their good behaviors, which inspires kids to act well.
Warm: Embrace your inner teacher. Say, “1,2,3, look at me” or ring a bell.
Hot: Start clapping you; if you’re angry and you know it, clap your hands! This is a great stress reliever.
One of our participants, over the weekend decided not to yell for 24 hours, she shared her decision with her husband and he told her to count him in. She said it was really difficult but it worked, she and her husband were able to rein in the yelling for a whole day.
Many felt uncomfortable that the author involved her kids and that McCraith’s kids gave her reminders to not yell. They felt that kids might take advantage of this and remind their parents in a disrespectful manner.
I disagreed, I think it was great that her kids were able to remind her, and she gave them ways to do it respectfully. Her children had an picture of an orange rhino (that was the name of her challenge), that they would show her when she started to yell. (It actually comes in the book, you can cut it out and use it.) I also think that a discussion of how to respectfully remind parents or anyone, not to yell would be helpful if we decided to take on the challenge of not yelling in our homes.
Courtney mentioned that at the beginning of the book, McCraith, was putting herself into situations where it was inevitable that she would end up being angry and yelling. McCraith, tells the story of how she was pumping milk and her 3 boys were with her in the room without any toys or anything really to do. They got of control and she yelled. We all discussed how we need to set ourselves up for success, plan better, make sure our kids are occupied in those type of situations.
My biggest take away from last night was this: All parents need to cope with managing their angry feelings. We are not alone. I think just knowing that we are all in the same boat, takes the edge off. Also, the fact that it is normal to feel anger and frustration towards our children, helps. We might all think, “Good parents just don’t angry,” therefore I must be a bad parent, which makes us feel inadequate and even more angry. We all agreed that we need to stop getting angry at ourselves for getting angry. Just doing that gives you a head start in gaining control of your temper. At least, I know that has helped me, personally.
Let us know what you think!
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