Promoting Positive Social Skills in children sounds like a great idea but how can we accomplish it?
I am sure we can all identify with how tough it is to manage awkward social situation as adults and that we all squirm when we remember some cringeworthy, foot in the mouth experiences from our childhood. But, I think it might be even harder having to watch our kids navigate social situations and come out short.
I know it is true for me. There was nothing more difficult than having to extricate myself from an embarrassing situation, giving the wrong answer in class, breaking something valuable to my parents,being made fun of, or missing that basket when playing basketball.
When my kids are dealing with an embarrassing situation, I vacillate between wanting to punish them (if they have broken something valuable or were being careless) and taking care of their problem for them (talking to the kids who are making fun of them…) But I know there is a better way.
According to the book, “Skill-Streaming The Elementary School Child” children can learn to deal with embarrassment with a little help from their parents (or teachers.)
They talk about three steps that can help your child overcome embarrassment:
1. Ask in a non-confrontational way what happened that caused your child to feel embarrassed:
“You seem upset. Something seems to be bothering you. When you are ready to talk I am here to listen.”
When a child does confide in you, “I slipped on a wet patch in the bathroom and everyone laughed at me!” You can acknowledge their feelings:
“That can be embarrassing! Feeling embarrassed feels so yucky!”
At this point it is helpful to point out the physiological symptoms of embarrassment, feeling flushed, face turning red, pit in the stomach, wanting to run away and hide.
If you already know what has happened, i.e, they brought your laptop to the kitchen table and spilled juice all over it, try to avoid adding insult to injury by blaming and accusing them.
“I can’t believe what you did! You ruined my laptop! How can you be so careless!”
Instead after you have calmed down you can acknowledge their feelings and help them make amends.
“I bet you are feeling bad about what happened. I am pretty upset myself. Let’s get a rag and clean this up. Please look up the number of the computer repair guy and lets give him a call right away.”
2. You can then talk about what your child can do to feel less embarrassed:
a. Ignore it
b. Decide what to do next time
c. Say to yourself “It’s over. People will forget it.” “My mom will forgive me for the laptop incident, because I helped her clean up and called the repairman.”
3. Help them act out their best choice. If one choice doesn’t work then they can try another one.
Want to learn more ways to Promote Positive Social Skills in your child?
A+ Solutions is pleased to invite you to an evening with Courtney Evenchik, MA, NCSP
Monday evening,
May 12
7:30-8:30pm
How to Promote Positive Social Skills in Your Child with Learning Differences
Location: Lee Road Library
2345 Lee Road
Cleveland Heights, OH 44118