“My child is in another world. I have to call him 10 times before he answers!”
“I send my son to the neighbors for some sugar and he comes back an hour later…without the sugar!!!”
As we mentioned in our last few posts, when we discuss each temperament and gain an understanding of how our children work, we can learn what triggers their bad behavior, and learn to manage the feelings that overwhelm them. Knowing a child’s temperament can help us engage our children’s cooperation in a way that truly takes their personality, their strengths and weaknesses into account. Instead of finding their tough behavior frustrating we can view their actions in more positive ways.
We have already talked about the temperamental traits of introversion, extroversion, intensity, persistence and sensitivity. This post will highlight the temperamental trait of “Perceptiveness.”
PERCEPTIVENESS OR DISTRACTIBILITY
(Sheedy Kurcinka, 2006)
Perceptive children notice everything around them. They can’t process everything or tune information out to find out what messages are important. They will go off to get dressed and never come back. They seem to never listen, are spacey daydreamers, have trouble following directions and finishing tasks.
Perceptive children have an ability to perceive that gives them an understanding and insight beyond their years. They have great senses of humor. Comedians are generally perceptive. They take regular everyday things and make them funny. Perceptive children need to be told that they are observant, and aware; that they could be a scientist or an investigator.
Triggers for bad behaviors:
• Too many directions
• Unclear directions
• No set routines
• Noise in the environment
To help you help them managing their feelings you can name the feelings that explain their inner world:
• “Too many directions are confusing.”
• “You can hear messages when you can see the message too.”
• “Noise makes it hard for you to learn.”
We parents, need to teach them to know how to compensate for their distractibility:
• “Looking at people helps you concentrate.”
• “You can ask to sit in the front of the classroom.”
• “You can make a chart or a list to help you remember what you need to do.”
“You can ask for directions to be given in all different ways”
In order to engage their cooperation and help them listen to you we need to figure out how they best respond to instructions, i.e., talking, writing, touching. It is also helpful to:
• Make eye contact
• Use one word directions
• Limit number of directions
• Don’t call them from another room.
• Change the environment
It is helpful to use can-do directions:
It is helpful and encouraging to praise kids for following through and listening to directions:
• “I asked you to throw the paper in the garbage and get a pencil, and you did it right away.”
• “Mom said you used a chart to remember to get dressed, brush your teeth, and eat breakfast.”
They need to be freed from the following negative roles:
Spacey
Daydreamer
Procrastinator
We can put our kids in a situation where they can see themselves differently:
“You will be in charge of the scavenger hunt. Make sure that everyone gets all the items on the list.”
What if you the parent are distractible?:
• Give children acceptable ways to get your attention – “touch my arm instead of whining.”
• Work one on one
• Work in a quiet room
Stay tuned for our next article on the temperamental trait “Adaptability”!
Sheedy Kurcinka, M. (2003). Raising Your Spirited Child Workbook. NY. Harper Collins.
Sheedy Kurcinka, M. (2006). Raising Your Spirited Child. NY. Harper Collins.
Faber, A., Mazlish, E. (1999). How To Talk So Kids Will Listen. NY: Harper Collins.