My friend needed to buy a phone, but she didn’t even want to start the process. Why? Because their were just so many choices. She dreaded going to the store. She didn’t want to have to do all the research that is necessary, regarding the brand, the color, the phone’s many features. Just thinking about it exhausted her. She wished that there was only one phone, in one color, with one feature. No choices! Life would be so simple.
I think about this conversation often. In all of my parenting classes, I encourage parents to give children choices. It is my go to parenting skill. Choices are great because they:
Help parents engage their child’s cooperation
Give children decision making skills
Teach independent thinking
Are a respectful way to communicate with children
Stop power struggles
Allow parents to maintain authority in a kind and loving way
I am not alone in advocating giving children choices. Becky Bailey in her book, “Easy To Love, Difficult to Discipline”, points out the following:
“Most people make their choices unconsciously and feel controlled by life. If you raise your children with awareness of his choices, he will not only feel less controlled, he really will have a greater command of himself both psychologically and physiologically.”
However, there are times when choices are just too much for kids. When they are tired, instead of asking them if they want to hop or jump into bed, we might just need to hug, cuddle and carry them to bed. When they are hungry, we might just need to put their food in front of them, instead of asking them if they want their blue or red plate. When a child is overwhelmed with all his homework, he just needs a loving squeeze on his shoulder and a snack to help tide him over.
As with all of the parenting skills that we learn, there is a time and place for everything. Even, giving choices. As parents, we need to always use our intuition and people smarts when communicating with our kids.
